The Exhausted Dad
March 9, 2022
Stories this photo appears in:
The Exhausted Dad: Chatbot takes over the column
I’m looking for any extra few minutes I can get.
The Exhausted Dad: Election Day heartbreak
My seventh grade daughter will try anything new. I don’t know where she gets the nerve to be a complete novice in front of her peers.
The Exhausted Dad: When you don’t move the headstones
Kids are always listening. My 9-year-old daughter, it must be said, is turning into one of the cooler people I know. We enjoy the same music (Hooptown 101!), and her contrarian tendencies make her a true Wild Card in most situations. If she disagrees with me about anything, she usually just replies “NOPE!” and I’m only left to guess as to why I’m so wrong.
The Exhausted Dad: Tooth v. Sour Patch
A child-size molar is missing. During spring break, I took my kids to see “Kung Fu Panda 4,” which is the fourth best “Kung Fu Panda” movie.
The Exhausted Dad: Mastering efficient phone strategies
If I could offer one piece of advice to all of society, it would be to give younger generations the benefit of the doubt.
The Exhausted Dad: Different personalities on the sidelines
I take pride in being a respectful member of an audience. As a moviegoer, I silence and stay off my phone, and I don’t converse with other moviegoers. Even when I tell my kids in the theater to be quiet, I tell them with sign language and, rarely, an extremely hushed whisper.
The Exhausted Dad: Overscheduled and on the run
My wife and I made a pact before we started a family: We can’t overschedule our kids.
The Exhausted Dad: Scrolling Facebook to feel young
As an Old Millennial, I remember the early days of social media. I made a friend named Tom at MySpace, and nobody yet understood the concept of Catfishing. Yes, at least three of my friends in college had girlfriends who were models in Canada.
The Exhausted Dad: Young artists emerge for late-winter holidays
Optimism ruled the Wilson house in early February this year. My kids love Groundhog Day, as the prospect of spring means the opportunity for bike riding and other outdoor activities (that don’t require 43 layers of snow-proof clothing).
The Exhausted Dad: Taking the eraser away from my first grader
Cut. Backspace. Delete. On a computer, erasure requires little effort. I can correct mistakes instantly, and if I feel lazy, I can tell the computer to autocorrect the mistakes before I even notice them.
The Exhausted Dad: The dynamics of Quack Currency
Every Friday afternoon, I am swept into the world of elementary school economics.
The Exhausted Dad: Life’s essential knowledge (according to a first grader)
My 6-year-old takes his superhero research very seriously. A connoisseur of Batman, Spider-Man and the less-violent pockets of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, my son continues his education by bringing home the definitive resources from his weekly visits to the school library.
The Exhausted Dad: Family traditions and ‘down-low’ protocols
“Don’t bite the bugs.” My dad used to say that to the little kid version of me every night before bed, inverting the classic, “Don’t let the bed bugs bite” tuck-in phrase. His mom (my grandmother) said it to him, so he passed the tradition along.
The Exhausted Dad: A nightmare for spine health
Hundreds of lifestyle changes happen because of parenthood. The most disruptive of them all: A drastic reduction in quality sleep.
The Exhausted Dad: The emotional highs and lows of family game night
As a longtime board game aficionado, I suffered through many, many rounds of Candyland and Chutes & Ladders to reach an exciting new phase of parenting my four children.
The Exhausted Dad: Holiday festivities hosted by norovirus
Winter break should be a time for rest, relaxation and holiday traditions. Sharing the season with loved ones can build long-lasting memories that will be cherished for generations.
The Exhausted Dad: Retold stories that mutate into nightmares
The stories we tell won’t always belong to us. Such is the uncompromising nature of mortality. My legacy, ultimately, will belong to what my children remember about me.
The Exhausted Dad: A Christmas of bizarre requests
The Grinch once thought, “Christmas doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more.”
The Exhausted Dad: Kids take over the parenting column
Early December is now one of the busiest times in my life thanks to studying for Final Exams and cranking out Final Papers. As a result, I didn’t have time to write a fresh column this week.
The Exhausted Dad: Magic of the season doesn’t apply to monkeys
Christmas is magic for kids, but magic has its limits. For good reason.
The Exhausted Dad: Tagalongs to a no-kid getaway
I don’t know if they miss us, but they sure like to text us while we’re away.
The Exhausted Dad: Mystery of the secret voice
In a few short years, I’m convinced this generation of Helicopter Parents will invent a device that will monitor their children 24 hours a day. Forget about phone trackers and nanny cams. I’m talking about a full-time robot with the surveillance capabilities of the NSA.
The Exhausted Dad: Saying yes to the dress and no to everything else
Shopping with my oldest daughter is a danger to my bank account.
The Exhausted Dad: Corruption and waste in Adventure Bay
People love to complain about local government, especially during election season. As much as I understand such frustrations, I try to be positive. I think, “It could be so much worse.” We could be residents of Adventure Bay. That town is a clown show.
The Exhausted Dad: No Swifties in the house but me
Nobody wants to go to “The Eras Tour” with me.
The Exhausted Dad: Parenting vs. playoffs: A battle for time
My school schedule this semester conflicts with some of my favorite acts of parenting. I enjoy picking them up from school and hearing about the day’s activities and interactions with other kids. I love cheering from the sidelines at games, and I’ll even brave a crowded auditorium to see a band concert or talent performance. That’s big for an introverted germaphobe, OK?
The Exhausted Dad: Calling foul on the clean houses
The neat and tidy people of the world need to spill their secret.
The Exhausted Dad: Being sick is just a state of mind
My 8-year-old daughter never gets sick. She says. No matter the obvious symptoms, my daughter won’t admit illness. She carries great pride in her immune system.
The Exhausted Dad: Play ball… for the first time?
Contrary to what my oldest daughter keeps telling everybody, I fulfilled my fatherly duties teaching her how to throw a ball.
The Exhausted Dad: When they don’t look back
My baby boy doesn’t need me anymore. At least that’s how it felt when I dropped him off for the first day of school.
The Exhausted Dad: Be our guest… after a purge and deep, deep clean
Visitors provide motivation for long-ignored home projects.
The Exhausted Dad: Families built on Barker-era ‘Price is Right’
Summers and sick days belonged to Bob Barker.
The Exhausted Dad: Don’t be the worst one at the party
Some invitations for kid birthday parties include the clause, “Siblings welcome.”
The Exhausted Dad: The strange lives of Squishmallows
As someone prone to imagine the inner life of inanimate objects, I find it fun to consider what a retired Beanie Baby might think about the pop culture phenomenon of Squishmallows.
The Exhausted Dad: Turtle fandom must come naturally
No matter what I do or say, I can’t force my four kids to join me in the club for “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” super-fandom.
The Exhausted Dad: Life finds a way… at other people’s houses
Attention teachers and camp counselors: Stop sending my kids home with living things. This family can’t handle the responsibility.
The Exhausted Dad: A fierce cheering section for the road team
My wife deserves the spotlight for several hundred reasons. For today, she gets the spotlight for being a (mostly) devoted fan.
The Exhausted Dad: A cheese factory and a dancing banana
You can’t expect relaxation on a vacation with four kids. While achievable, the effort required often turns “feeling relaxed” into “being too tired to move.”
The Exhausted Dad: A brief reminder of toddler life
As much as old pictures and videos allow parents to look back fondly at the earlier years of their children, they can’t totally recreate the complete experience of the baby and toddler years. They offer a partial, distorted picture. Even if you watch a video of a particularly screechy toddler temper tantrum (because of course we recorded those), you don’t get the full sensory experience of the moment.
The Exhausted Dad: The splash pad/car ride conundrum
An unexpected splash pad led to some next-level parental navigation.
The Exhausted Dad: Party under pressure
Our 6-year-old will never understand the anxiety his parents felt planning his birthday party.
The Exhausted Dad: Understanding the fuel to the flame
Some kids burn bright. My 8-year-old daughter carries the biggest flame in the family.
The Exhausted Dad: The ultimate kindergarten lesson — confidence
My son started kindergarten with a long list of fears. He didn’t know how to find his classroom. The playground equipment was “too big.” The toilets were “too tall.”
The Exhausted Dad: Family pictures and all the wrong clothes
With two slobs in charge of four children, we can’t be too judgmental in our house about the quality of our family photos.
The Exhausted Dad: Friendship wins the talent show
Some talents work better onstage than others.
The Exhausted Dad: Music makes the parade
The only parade I ever remember enjoying was the one inserted in the Sunday newspaper.
The Exhausted Dad: Test-taking strategies from the 6th grade
For my last final of the semester, I followed the advice of my 11-year-old daughter.
The Exhausted Dad: The sweet smell of sensitivity
“Something smells really, really, really, really bad.” — my 5-year-old at the dinner table on Sunday night.
The Exhausted Dad: The birthday one-up game
Kids make birthdays more fun for everyone, as youth can be a distraction from the faint-but-ever-growing knocking at the door of our certain, future demise.
The Exhausted Dad: Middle school band and the mystery squeak
My 11-year-old daughter plays clarinet in her sixth-grade band. When she practices in her room, she usually sounds pretty good, especially considering the music isn’t really intended as a solo act. The squeaks and squeals you expect from a beginner musician have been, thankfully, few and far between.
The Exhausted Dad: Brace yourself for disappointment
A couple of weeks before her appointment, my oldest daughter began to get excited about braces.
The Exhausted Dad: The birthday dome of destruction
Nothing tests the mettle of a marriage better than a complicated assembly project.
The exhausted dad: The sting of missing a parent-teacher conference
I don’t take personal compliments well, but I love it when people praise my kids.
The exhausted dad: Fun facts about Bananas Grande
“Humans and bananas share about 60 percent of the same types of genes.”
The exhausted dad: Paranoia as bad as the bug
Trust nothing. Question everything.
The exhausted dad: An ocean full of fun facts
I don’t know if I should trust the onslaught of factoids that come out of my kindergartner’s mouth.
The exhausted dad: A 50-step high-five marathon
Putting my kids to bed each night takes forever, and it’s all my fault.
The exhausted dad: New members of a quiet, attentive crowd
Parents of young children know how difficult it can be to attend public events and performances. You can’t expect babies and little kids to be quiet for extended periods of time. If they need something, they’re going to let everyone know about it.
The exhausted dad: College life — A kid’s perspective
Recess, lunchrooms and playground drama… it’s a college life for me!
The exhausted dad: It’s OK to be a Barbie tween
“Don’t yuck someone else’s yum.”
The exhausted dad: Abandoned by my own children
Readers of this space might remember last week I contracted COVID for this first time.
The exhausted dad: Reign of a social distancing champion
We first learned about COVID in early 2020. Some of y’all caught that bug early on, and, unfortunately, you might have dealt with it a few times by now.
The exhausted dad: A perfectly-executed morning schedule
If I had a choice in the matter, no activity would be allowed to begin prior to 11 a.m.
The exhausted dad: The 2022 movie log for an 11-year-old
As a companion piece to my Best Movies of 2022 feature in this section, I decided to amplify the voice of Team Wilson’s harshest critic — my 11-year-old daughter.
The exhausted dad: The Big Game of the new year
My kids know almost nothing about football.
The exhausted dad: Planning ahead for being 6 in 2023
My 5-year-old son couldn’t wait for Christmas to be over. Though he enjoyed the holiday as any kindergartner would, my son recently became obsessed with his birthday… which is in June.
The exhausted dad: ‘Twas the night of cold singing and no sleeping
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, and all through the Wilson house, nothing is ready for tomorrow and I’m too tired to make this rhyme.
The exhausted dad: A sick day education
My kindergartner comes home every day in a state of pure exhaustion, as little 5 and 6-year-olds learn so much in their first year of full-time school.
The exhausted dad: You can’t take us anywhere
Whether we intend to or not, our family of six makes an impression when we attend public gatherings.
The exhausted dad: A feast fit for a busy family
How to make the laziest holiday meal imaginable…
The exhausted dad: Loyalty to the discount tree
Every November for the past 10 years I’ve asked myself the same question: “Should I buy a new Christmas tree?”
The exhausted dad: Deep thoughts by a kindergartner
If you really stop to think about it, being alive is absolutely terrifying.
The exhausted dad: Frog throats and other vocal observations
My 5-year-old son caught a cold a few days before Halloween.
The exhausted dad: Small talk about small people
For the past 11 years, I haven’t spent much time away from my kids.
The exhausted dad: The subjective face of terror
Pennywise, Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers… none of them can compare to the VHS cover of a Mickey Mouse cartoon.
The exhausted dad: Dumping the ‘Too old for’ -isms
As much as I appreciate my parents and how they raised me, one of my most frustrating memories of childhood happened around Halloween in the 6th grade.
The exhausted dad: Blaming the kids for all your virus woes
As much as I try to listen to the medical experts when it comes to navigating the COVID pandemic, some knowledge can only come from personal experience.
The exhausted dad: If you give a mouse too many cookies…
Forget what the books say. You should never let a mouse get too comfortable.
The exhausted dad: Big toilets – a kindergartner’s nightmare
Parents of 5 and 6-year-olds know the challenge of the first weeks of kindergarten.
The exhausted dad: Sick on the second day
So much excitement surrounds the first day of school.
The stay-at-home dad: Stay at home no more
My children abandoned me.
The stay-at-home dad: Sticky lockers and middle school nerves
My oldest daughter couldn’t figure out how to use her new locker at middle school.
The stay-at-home dad: An exhaustive breakdown of a 7-year-old’s microwave egg-making
If you enjoy listening to detailed explanations of basic routines and tasks, please come spend time with my 7-year-old daughter.
The stay-at-home dad: Seal attacks and drifting out to sea
Despite a few lessons and plenty of time on local waterways, I wouldn’t count on any of my four kids to swim effectively without a life jacket - not a big deal so long as you approach water activities with safety at the forefront. With that in mind, I want to clarify that I would never put my children in a position to be harmed. But all parents remember situations in which our kids find themselves on the verge of danger. Luckily, most of these situations turn out fine and wind up being amusing memories of youthful incompetence. On a trip to the Puget Sound, my wife and I decided to take our four kids kayaking and paddleboarding. With temperatures scorching and (mostly) calm waters abound it seemed it would be about as leisurely as a trek on Lake Coeur d’Alene.
The stay-at-home dad: The special rocks are everywhere
In my childhood, I considered agates and sand dollars to be the most valuable items to find in nature.
The stay-at-home dad: The worst car in the world
My 5-year-old son only recently decided he enjoys looking out the window at the world during long car rides.
The stay-at-home dad: Reasons to go crazy and reminders to stay sane
A parent’s approach to conflict can vary, and what works to help some kids through emotional turmoil may not work for others.
The stay-at-home dad: Tracking kids via floor hazards
If I left my kids alone in the house for a day, I’d be able to figure out their full slate of activities just based on the status of my kitchen and living room floor.
The stay-at-home dad: Online kids — NASA, stand-up comedy and Magic Tree Houses
I’ve never been particularly interested in popular opinion, especially if I find that opinion to be lazy.
The stay-at-home dad: Kid researchers tackle hot topics
Kids these days know way too much.
The stay-at-home dad: Slip ‘N Slide personality types
With temperatures finally reaching 80 degrees last week, my kids unkinked our 15-year-old hose and busted out the Slip ‘N Slide for the very first time.
The stay-at-home dad: A Turtle maniac after four tries
The “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” defined my childhood. Ah, heck, let’s just admit it; I’m still a huge TMNT fan.
The stay-at-home dad: Sentiment for ill-fitting clothes
My wife opened an old box in the garage and found my old Ghostbusting jumpsuit.
The stay-at-home dad: Everyone loves a Slinky — except parents
Nothing lasts forever. Especially a Slinky. A Slinky lasts 30 minutes at most.
The stay-at-home dad: Family hikes — All about short bursts and dragging feet
I’m generally not a fan of my kids growing older.
The stay-at-home dad: Kids face Jurassic expectations
My four kids know I’m a “movie guy,” and they know “Jurassic Park” is my go-to, be-all-end-all favorite film of all time.
The stay-at-home dad: The boy who must be served
My 4-year-old son turns 5 next month.
The stay-at-home dad: A quiet morning for mom
It is impossible for my wife to sleep late in our house.
The stay-at-home dad: In celebration of the do-it-all mom
In case these stay-at-home dad columns haven’t made it clear already: I’m hardly the expert when it comes to effective parenting.
The stay-at-home dad: Extended egg hunt — now through forever!
I’m not here to tell the Easter bunny how to do their job.
The stay-at-home dad: A 4-year-old weighs in on long hair for boys
I want to talk about how my 4-year-old son thinks long hair is “for girls.”
The stay-at-home dad: Toddler tales of the tape
While raising kids in the smartphone era comes with a heap of complications, I don’t know where I would be without my digital collection of video memories.
The stay-at-home dad: Young pranksters go full throttle on April Fools’ Day
As part-time Press writer April Fuhl demonstrates every year, you can’t trust anything on April 1.
The stay-at-home dad: When ‘approaching’ meets an angry fifth grader
My 10-year-old daughter ripped open a can of whoop-sass at her recent parent-teacher conference.
The stay-at-home dad: Dogs keep dissing my daughter
If my 6-year-old daughter had her way, all dogs would go straight to jail.
The stay-at-home dad: Celebrating the first March Fest carnival
As I chugged my fourth cup of coffee in my bedroom late last Saturday morning, I noticed a small hand shove a colorful flyer under my door.