The Exhausted Dad: Turtle fandom must come naturally

No matter what I do or say, I can’t force my four kids to join me in the club for “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” super-fandom.

For another perspective on my lifelong admiration of “TMNT,” check out this section’s review of the new animated movie, “Mutant Mayhem.” The more personal side of the story lives here, where I’ve spent the last 12 years of parenting trying to instill Ninja Turtles mania into at least one of my children.

Every baby had at least one adorable Turtles-themed onesie. They received Turtle plushies and were propped in front of the television for multiple episodes of several Turtle series.

A couple years ago, I thought I hooked them by showing them all the 1990 live-action movie for the first time. They claimed to love it! Then we watched the next two installments, including “Secret of the Ooze,” and the interest waned. I can’t really blame them.

Kids like what they like. My oldest daughter gravitated to “Curious George” and “Doc McStuffins.” My oldest son immediately went on the Lego and Minecraft pathways. My youngest daughter loved “Dora the Explorer” and now, as a contrarian-8-year-old, she likes the most random things while simultaneously trashing on all the shows and movies the rest of us enjoy. She’s pretty much exactly a little Louise from the TV series “Bob’s Burgers,” but she refuses to watch even five minutes of it. Hit a little too close to home for you, kid?

My youngest son, 6, was my last best shot. He loves all things superheroes, but the pop culture of his young life has been dominated by the likes of Spider-Man, Black Panther and “The Incredibles.” At least he’s developed an appropriate admiration of Nick Fury, thanks to his father’s insistence that Samuel L. Jackson is one of the two greatest actors alive (the other being Nicolas Cage, obviously, but the kid is too young for “Leaving Las Vegas.”).

Still, if given the choice of television shows available on the 97 streaming services in which we subscribe, he will occasionally stop and engage in an episode of Nickelodeon-era “Ninja Turtles,” particularly the very-good CGI series that ran on the network from 2012-2017.

Having been burned by trying too hard with the other kids, I’ve taken a hands-off approach with his interest in Turtles. I’m especially careful because he still thinks some of the old Ninja Turtle toys I keep in our basement family room are “scary.” Muckman is pretty grotesque, to be fair.

Then he started to get excited about the new movie, “Mutant Mayhem.” Let’s give a big shout-out to the marketing folks over at Paramount Pictures! Your millions of dollars in TV advertising paid off!

My son even started to hook his older brother on the movie, and then the girls showed interest as well. My oldest found the movie’s sketch-like visual design to be intriguing, and my youngest daughter wanted to see it because it wouldn’t be fair for everyone else to see it and not her. Good enough reason for me.

After watching the movie, I now have a family full of Turtle fans (at least until the next big thing comes along, or if we go see “Barbie” again). I’m trying not to blow it, even though their novice comments about the franchise can be frustrating.

My 10-year-old son: “I wonder why Donatello only had a stick for a weapon.”

Me: “It’s a bo staff! Donatello always had a bo staff!”

Him: “Well, in the TV show he has a blade that comes out of it.”

Me: “But it was a BO STAFF in the comics. And in the first show. And in the next several shows.”

Him: “The blade is better.”

Me: “Sure, but it’s OK for things to be different. But he’s had a bo staff more than anything else. In fact, there is one run of comics where a Donatello from the future comes back to help the younger Turtles, and that Donatello had a futuristic staff made of metal and with a bunch of gadgets and things. And then, in the second Nickelodeon series, Donatello has a similar gadget-filled staff, although he also had a bunch of gadgets coming out of his shell-pack, and they had mystic powers on that show.

Him: “I don’t want to talk about this anymore, Dad.”

Like I said. I’ve gotta play it cool. If you see my kids anywhere, tell them how much everyone who is anyone likes the Ninja Turtles. They won’t listen to their dad, and, frankly, after reading these last few paragraphs, I wouldn’t either.

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Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer, full-time student, and parent to four kids, ages 6-12. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.