The Exhausted Dad: When half the kids feels like a vacation
Sometimes, half the kids equals double the fun.
Last weekend, my wife traveled to the Seattle area for a baby shower. She took our two oldest kids with her, leaving me with my 7-year-old son and 9-year-old daughter to entertain.
When you have four children, it’s easy to forget how insane it is to have four kids. Objectively, that’s a lot of kids! I live with them every day, so everything feels normal. You just assume everybody else in the world also has a bunch of kids and that constant state of noise is just how Planet Earth sounds to every human.
Take a couple of the kids out of the equation, even temporarily, and it feels like a vacation. Logistically, two kids are super easy!
Case in point: On Nov. 2, I took the two kids out to eat at a Mexican restaurant. What a delightful experience. Usually, when a family of six decides to eat out, we’re on the verge of being the dreaded “big party” that requires a reservation. Add a grandparent or a friend or two to the outing and you’re going to get some apprehensive/passive aggressive comments from the host or hostess.
In contrast, the three of us were seated at the restaurant immediately … in a normal size booth! I got one whole side of the booth to myself! Our chips and salsa also didn’t instantaneously disappear (although we housed a few baskets of chips without issue).
Best of all, I had the two youngest kids who were both more than happy to order off the far-less-expensive kids menu. Grilled cheese and fries? Feel free to order three each! Still cheaper than the specialty giant burrito my 13-year-old orders now.
Later, we went to a park and the kids played … without a single fight! Funny how separating the two middle children eliminates virtually all conflicts.
I also took the kids to the Inland Northwest Toy Show in Spokane … and it didn’t cost me hardly anything! My daughter loves cheap stuffed animals (with questionable animal hair all over them), and my son still thinks the 25-cent bin of old Happy Meal toys is basically a treasure chest.
We didn’t argue over TV shows (the younger kids like my selection of game shows), and I even managed to get some of my own laundry done (with six people in the house, there’s often a line for the washer/dryer).
Both kids were so satisfied with the weekend that they basically forgot they missed out on a mini trip. Sure, I painted a rosy picture of our weekend (gymnastics class; McDonald's!) and poo-pooed the other half’s weekend plans (10 hours of driving! Sharing a crammed hotel room!). Nevertheless, I haven’t had such a relaxing weekend in years.
OK, one exception: On the night of Nov. 1, the smoke alarm at the top of the wall, near the ceiling in our living room started chirping because of a low battery. It requires a ladder to replace, and … well, I don’t trust a 7-year-old and a 9-year-old to hold the ladder for me. Oh, also, I’m terrified of heights and usually make my wife change it (I hold the ladder super steady though).
So, we’ve been listening to the chirp of the smoke alarm every 30-60 seconds for the last three days. The other smoke alarms in the house are working fine, and you basically learn to ignore it after a while. Honestly, with half the kids in the house, it’s still about 200% quieter.
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Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer, full-time student and parent to four kids, ages 7-13. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.
The Exhausted Dad