The Exhausted Dad: When you don’t move the headstones
Kids are always listening.
My 9-year-old daughter, it must be said, is turning into one of the cooler people I know. We enjoy the same music (Hooptown 101!), and her contrarian tendencies make her a true wild card in most situations. If she disagrees with me about anything, she usually just replies “NOPE!” and I’m only left to guess as to why I’m so wrong.
Where does she get this attitude from? Well … probably me. Rebellious-type people raise rebellious-type children, I guess.
Still, I need to be a little more careful with what I say around her.
Recently, my wife informed me of a very serious conversation she had with our 9-year-old in the car. I don’t know the exact details, but they were driving by a cemetery, and on the other side of the road was a long line of houses.
“Ooh, I don’t think I’d want to live next to a cemetery,” my daughter said.
My wife asked why.
“All those bodies in the ground. Gives me the creeps!”
My wife then told her the bodies couldn’t do anything to anyone. They’re just bodies, she said.
My daughter responded, “Not true.”
Pressed for more information, my daughter changed the subject … slightly.
“Plus I wouldn’t want to live in those houses because they probably have bodies under them.”
This comment, while surprising in the moment, didn’t shock my wife. I’ll explain momentarily.
My daughter continued: “It happens. People move the headstones but they don’t move the bodies!”
My wife didn’t need to ask her where she’d heard such a thing. She knew.
In my immediate defense, I have never shown my kids the 1982 horror classic, “Poltergeist.” I have never described to them even a single scene from the movie “Poltergeist.”
But I have said a variation of one of its most famous lines hundreds of times. Probably every time I drove by a cemetery.
“YOU MOVED THE HEADSTONES, BUT YOU DIDN’T MOVE THE BODIES. DIDN’T YA!”
The line, delivered perfectly by Spokane native Craig T. Nelson, occurs right at the end of “Poltergeist,” as a bunch of corpses rise from underneath the Freeling family home, unleashing mayhem.
The actual line is, “You moved the cemetery, but you left the bodies, didn’t ya.” Craig T. yells it with aplomb, though I tend to exaggerate the “DIDN’T YA!”
Honestly, it’s just something I say. Can’t help it. Sorta the same whenever I hear someone say “Ooh,” and I mumble to myself, “Ooh, ahh. That’s how it always starts. But then later there’s running and … and … screaming.”
(That’s Jeff Goldblum at the beginning of 1997’s “The Lost World: Jurassic Park.” Not quite a classic.)
Anyway, I had a conversation with my daughter about the headstones-body thing, explaining to her that it’s from a movie and that, while it is possible that cemeteries can be moved for home development, it’s very likely the developers would move the bodies as well. I didn’t want to go into any other real-life history … because she’s NINE. I almost forgot, but I also said, “Bodies also don’t rise up from the grave in real life … at least not by their own doing.”
She didn’t seem phased by any of this conversation, thankfully. She did, however, spread the word.
“I may have told my friend about moving headstones without bodies, and I think it might have freaked her out. HEE HEE HEE!”
I think the major takeaway here is not that I don’t have a filter with my random movie references. What’s important is that I haven’t shown my kids the movie “Poltergeist,” because I’m a responsible parent. You know who wasn’t responsible? The motion picture ratings board back in 1982 when they decided to release it as a PG. Parental Guidance suggested?!
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Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer, full-time student, and parent to four kids, ages 6-12. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.
The Exhausted Dad
Actor Craig T. Nelson poses for a portrait at the NBC In Front presentation at Universal Studios Hollywood in Universal City, Calif. on May 12, 2009.