The Exhausted Dad: Mastering efficient phone strategies
If I could offer one piece of advice to all of society, it would be to give younger generations the benefit of the doubt.
The Boomers complained about the Gen-Xers. The Gen-Xers complained about the millennials. The millennials complained about the Gen-Zers and everyone seems to complain about Generation Alpha.
The main complaint, I guess, is that technology negatively altered the Alpha’s brains. Probably true, but, honestly, humans don’t exactly have a strong track record for adopting healthy habits.
While I have my complaints about generations old and new (we’re all deeply flawed, basically), I appreciate much of what these tech-savvy kiddos offer the world.
Specifically, I appreciate the direct communication. Kids get to the point. Think about almost every work meeting in the corporate world. The ones in which, “This entire meeting could’ve been summarized in an email.” I believe the next generation will do away with meetings all together. No team building. No strategy sessions. Just succinct, probably A.I.-generated emailed reminders about writing your name on your Tupperware in the office refrigerator.
I’m here for it! Efficiency with remedial tasks means more time for fostering relationships in more meaningful ways. Or more time for watching cat videos or whatever. Don’t judge! We all like cat videos!
My oldest daughter, 12, has taken time to master efficient communication. Some might call her blunt. I say she knows how to get to the meat of her needs and grievances.
For example, when she calls either myself or my wife from the school office, we know the EXACT issue within two seconds of the call. No “Hellos.” No identification. Not even an “It’s me.” Just the facts.
“Mom, I’m too sick for third period. Come pick me up.”
“Dad, I forgot my water bottle. I need it for practice.”
She speaks on the phone like the rest of us use text messaging. Clean and to the point. Well, not my text messages. I like to use at least 12 emojis per text, then follow those up with two to three somewhat-related gifs.
Last week my daughter joined a few friends straight after school for chips, ice cream and "Mario Party" (I’m sorta mad I wasn’t invited). I was supposed to pick her up at 6 p.m. after dropping off a different kid for another activity. She called me at 4:15 p.m.
Her: “Dad, I need you to pick me up at 4:30. My friend has a cat, and my allergies are bad.”
Me: “I have to take your brother to his class. You can’t just fight through it?”
Her: “No. Can you get here at 4:30? Also, please bring an allergy pill, my water bottle and a damp wash cloth I can use to wipe my eyes.”
Me: “Do you have the address?”
Her: “Mom wrote it down somewhere. Just get it from her. Bye.”
Blunt? Absolutely. But efficient. We had time to pick her up before class, in part, because the entire conversation lasted less than 30 seconds.
My oldest son is efficient on the phone too. He just says, “OK” or, “good” or, “I don’t know” after statements. Here’s how a school call would go for him:
Me: “How are you doing?”
Him: “Good.”
Me: “Do you need something?”
Him: “I don’t know.”
Me: “I’m looking at the front door and I see your lunch here. Do you need me to drop that off?
Him: “OK.”
Me: “OK.”
Him: (silence)
Me: “OK, I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
Him: “OK.”
Me: “Love you. Bye.”
Him: (hangs up).
Say what you will, but I’ve got plenty of extra time to watch cat videos.
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Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer, full-time student, and parent to four kids, ages 6-12. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.
The Exhausted Dad