The Exhausted Dad: Never earning points for participation
Don’t ask me to participate. I don’t like participating.
More than 20 years ago, I only minimally participated in high school activities. If it wasn’t required, or, at least, if it didn’t come with a tantalizing incentive, I wouldn’t do it.
The powers that be told me I needed extracurriculars to get into a good college with a good scholarship. Pssht. Not true … so long as you were satisfied with going to the university 90 minutes down the road.
Same went with undergraduate college. I took my required classes. My only extracurriculars were things that paid me money — a part-time job, writing movie reviews for the college paper, etc.
The powers that be told me that extracurriculars would help land me a more lucrative job. Ha! Not with an English degree, fella! I opted for guaranteed poverty when I chose my major!
Then, recently, in law school, I participated exactly as much as required, but for different reasons. Since I have four kids, all my free time is spent watching them participate in non-mandatory activities. Apparently, I didn’t teach them about the glorious benefits of non-participation.
Really, I want to attend as much of my kids’ activities as possible. I don’t care about the outcome of any of these sporting events or competitions, and I certainly don’t care if the school choir, band and orchestra collectively ace their performance of that one song from “Zootopia.” Whatever. I enjoy watching my kids have fun, and I’m (begrudgingly) proud of their extracurricular participation, regardless of the schoolwide performance.
However, you won’t find me taking on any more responsibilities than necessary. Try as I can to care, I’m just not a participator.
When the Girl Scout troop wants a parent to volunteer to oversee a public cookie booth, I’m the parent who asks how many boxes of cookies I can buy so we don’t have to open the booth to the public.
Recently, my oldest daughter and I attended a mandatory (grrrrr!) meeting about her upcoming admission into the high school marching band. Quick side gripe: The meeting didn’t need to be mandatory, as I easily found all the information presented on the school’s website. The 80 minutes they stole from me last Tuesday night could have all been an email!
While they sent my daughter off to do some sort of fun introductory marching activity, I was trapped in an uncomfortable seat as the band leader and the band’s booster club leader talked to parents about how we could support the band.
Look, I get it. These groups need lots of support, both participatory and financial. But ew!
They told us about the financial responsibilities. Fine. I’ll make it work. I’ll take a second job to pay for it if it means I can leave this meeting early. Then they talked to us about parent participation opportunities. I can cook full meals for 100+ students! Or sell various things to the public at local events! Or take a bus ride with all those stinky teenagers to the distant band competition!
Nope, nope and nope. You got the wrong guy. You can’t make me participate. In fact, I will do extra work and commit extra money just to avoid what looks like potential voluntary participation.
I understand this is a character defect. I understand the best people in the world are the ones who step up and do what’s necessary, even when it’s inconvenient. I like to think I step up when it comes to what’s most important. But participation in a booster club? Nah. Here’s 20 bucks. Please ask someone else.
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Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer, full-time student, and parent to four kids, ages 7-13. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.
The Exhausted Dad
