The Exhausted Dad: On graduation and milestones
For the past three years, the “About Me” blurb at the end of this column labeled me as a “full-time student.”
Technically that’s no longer true.
Last week, I graduated with my J.D. from Gonzaga University School of Law. I’m now preparing to take the bar exam later this summer.
I began law school at the same time as my oldest daughter started middle school. My youngest also began kindergarten that same fall. After years of being a stay-at-home parent, it seemed like everything changed. I no longer had “little” kids. I felt more anxiety and panic than any other time in my life, and if you know me, that’s saying something.
I never specifically mentioned law school in this column because, honestly, I worried I wouldn’t survive it. As much as I share about my family life in this space, I didn’t want to showcase what might ultimately become a professional failure. I still might fail the bar exam this summer, but at least I got that degree! The student loans prove it!
I had an inclination to go to law school ever since I completed my undergraduate work in 2006. My then-fiancée, now-wife went straight into her graduate program, and I began working full time at the Coeur d’Alene Press. Life happened, we started having kids, and it didn’t really become a serious consideration until COVID. I suddenly had time on my hands to study and take the LSAT.
I also knew that all my kids would finally be of school age by the time I started at Gonzaga. I had time to either go back to school, or, I don’t know, go back to work full-time at The Press? Did anybody really want that?
There were so many struggles over the past three years, but that first semester in the fall of 2022 nearly destroyed me. On the verge of turning 40, I was sitting in a classroom full of whip-smart 20-somethings. I missed being home with my kids. I missed the speed at which my brain processed complex ideas before I had kids.
Going to law school also meant significant sacrifices for my wife, who already had a full-time job alongside co-parenting four young children. Especially in the first year, I couldn’t schedule my own classes, and with mandatory attendance, I couldn’t always attend the kids’ extracurriculars or even do the basic pick-ups and drop-offs on certain days. I spent many “family” nights doing homework and studying. I know I missed out on things and contributed far less to everyone’s needs. My wife picked me up. My wife picked up the whole family.
After the bar exam this summer, I hope to be working in some capacity as an attorney (unless I fail the bar … oof). My oldest daughter will start her freshman year of high school this coming fall. I know I’m 41 years old and much older than my general behavior lets on, but I honestly can’t believe I’m about to be the father of a high schooler. She’s still just a baby in my eyes, and I vividly recall all those hours I spent trying to rock that little girl to sleep.
I don’t know what the future holds for this column in the long term, but life as a parent continues to evolve. In many ways, I feel tethered to the milestones of my kids, particularly as my oldest is about to tackle her core teenage years.
The plan for now: Do lawyer stuff and enjoy my kids’ continued growth. And, when my oldest reaches her high school graduation, I’m going to medical school!
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Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer, full-time student and parent to four kids, ages 7-13. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.
The Exhausted Dad
