A1 VETERANS PRESS: A veteran’s daughter observes…

I learned so much about how to work with the VA to maximize available support for my dad. Here are a few of my hard-earned tips. 

1. Stay positive and be patient. Yes, the VA system can be complicated, and sometimes you don't get help right away. 

But I found that everyone I interacted with — from the call center reps to the doctors — really wants to help. They all have heavy workloads because so many veterans need help. 

Give them patience and understanding and you're more likely to get the same in return. 

2. Document everything. I learned to take detailed notes about every conversation and appointment because multiple calls were usually needed, and sometimes one VA office isn't aware of what another has done or can do. 

I needed to be able to connect the dots. I then followed up to make sure all steps were taken and no balls were dropped. 

3. Always ask if other services are available. I kept finding out about additional benefits or services for dad. 

For example, the social worker, not the doctor, informed me that we could be provided with certain incontinence supplies. And the pharmacist told me about other available assistance that the social worker wasn't aware of. 

Just keep asking questions. 

4. Never give up. Someone at VA told me once that “the squeaky wheel does get the grease,” and I definitely found this to be true. 

Dad's A&A application was mired in a lot of red tape, but I persisted, and ultimately he started getting a monthly stipend to help pay for his care. 

Here's another example: At one point I tried to set up respite care and arrange help with dad's bathing, but the VA's local contractor did not work out. They wouldn't provide respite care on Saturdays, when I really needed it. 

Honestly, I gave up after two tries. But more than a year later I decided to try again, and with a new contractor it was much easier to arrange care.

Overall, the benefits dad received were crucial supports both for him and for me and the rest of his caregiving team. I can't imagine how we would have maintained his care without them. 

This information is an excerpt from an article in the AARP Daily newsletter updated Nov. 7, 2019, by Amy Goyer about her experience finding help for her World War II veteran father.

Editor’s note: This article, originally published in November 2016, has been updated to include new information and to reflect the passing of Amy's father in 2018.

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Amy Goyer is AARP's family and caregiving expert and author of Juggling Life, Work and Caregiving. Connect with Amy on amygoyer.com, Facebook, Twitter, in AARP's Online Community and in the AARP Facebook Family Caregivers Group.