Anger manages everything badly

A monk decided to meditate alone, away from his monastery. He took his boat out to the middle of a lake, dropped anchor and closed his eyes to begin his meditation.

After a few hours of serene, undisturbed silence, he suddenly felt the bump of another boat colliding with his. He immediately grew angry at being interrupted and opened his eyes ready to scream at the clumsy boatman who had dared to interfere with his meditation.

But when he looked around, he saw only an empty boat that had become untethered and floated to the middle of the lake.

At that moment, the monk suddenly realized something: All anger comes from within. From then on, whenever someone irritated him or provoked him to anger, he reminded himself of the empty boat.

In reality, we all have anger within us. All it needs is someone, like an empty boat, to provoke it. Anger causes so many problems not only in society, but also personally. Anger can lead to unacceptable actions that we immediately regret. Rather than enabling us to see possible solutions, we become so entrenched in our own position that we become irrational.

Buddha, the religious teacher, said, "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

Experts say extreme anger can add to our stress and take a toll on our physical and mental health, including elevating blood pressure, compromising liver function and causing stroke. Apply that to a business, and the results are financially devastating. The cycle is deadly.

Dealing with anger is a challenge we all face, and it is important to handle it constructively. When I feel anger bubbling up, I remind myself of a few key strategies:

Pause and delay. As Thomas Jefferson wisely advised, when you are angry, count to 10 before you speak. If you are very angry, count to 100. This delay gives you time to cool down and think more rationally. Don't forget to take deep breaths to calm your nervous system and reduce the intensity of your anger. Physical activity can be a great outlet for the energy that comes with anger. A brisk walk or workout can help clear your mind.

Reflect and respond. If possible, step away from the situation that is making you angry. This can give you the space you need to think things through. Instead of focusing on the anger itself, try to find a constructive solution to the problem at hand. Never underestimate the value of a good night's sleep. When you are well-rested, you are more likely to control angry impulses.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, American philosopher and lecturer, said, "For every minute you remain angry, you give up 60 seconds of peace of mind."

Or as I like to say, giving someone a piece of your mind rarely leaves you with peace of mind.

Perspective and empathy. Anger can lead to outcomes that nobody wants. It is better to walk away than to escalate a situation to the point of no return. Try to understand where the other person is coming from. This can sometimes diffuse anger and lead to a more empathetic approach to conflict resolution.

Remember that it is not about suppressing your anger but about managing it in a way that doesn't harm you or others. It's about choosing your battles wisely and expressing your feelings in a way that leads to positive outcomes.

Don't let your anger get the best of you; instead, be the best despite your anger.

A man named Mark had a bad temper. One day he was complaining to his friend Hugh that no one wanted to spend time with him because he got angry so easily. He asked his friend, "What can I do?"

Hugh advised him to buy a few bottles of expensive wine and whenever he got angry, to break one in a sink.

Mark responded, "Why would I throw away good money and wine?"

"That is what you are doing when you get angry," Hugh advised. "You are wasting your energy and your health, and harming your relationships with your family and friends."

The next day Mark bought several bottles of fine wine. He eventually learned to control his anger — and found a better way to use the wine! 

Mackay's Moral: An angry person is seldom reasonable; a reasonable person is seldom angry.

• • •

Harvey Mackay is the author of the New York Times bestseller "Swim With the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive." He can be reached through his website, www.harveymackay.com, by emailing harvey@mackay.com or by writing him at MackayMitchell Envelope Co., 2100 Elm St. SE, Minneapolis, MN 55414.