Sholeh: Can’t sleep? Let it go

Sleep has been more elusive of late. That’s nothing unusual over 50, but averaging an interrupted hour or two each night is becoming a chronic problem. 

Most at this age could moan about arthritis and various inflammations, but what’s put it over the edge is my mind: It just won’t stop.

Don’t worry, this column isn’t about me.

Minds worry. They fret. They obsess and rehash and reframe scenarios past and future, no matter how pointless. They just. Won’t. Shut. Up. 

I tend to blame input overload, a reality of smartphone prevalent, frenetic modern life. It’s true; too much clutter makes it harder for the dust to settle.

A Stephen Hawking quote I read last week (ironically during the morning’s phone-scrolling) revealed that for the excuse it really is. Sure, it helps to reduce the mental noise of flash-imagery and constant interruptions, but at any activity level what really makes us obsess is an inability to let go.

And letting go is about expectations or lack thereof.

“When one's expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have," Hawking said. "I'm happier now than before I developed the condition.”

Hawking, considered a “super genius” for his contributions to theoretical physics and cosmology, lived with ALS for 50 years — itself an unusual accomplishment. Most of that was in a wheelchair. 

He endured a relentless, tortuous, undignified neurodegenerative disease progression which removed control of literally every muscle and body part, from limbs and facial muscles to swallowing, speech, and finally, breathing in 2018.

Would you be happy with that life? He was.

Hawking understood the connection between happiness and letting go of expectations, living it under conditions most of us would call miserable. When asked about his life he’d say (using a voice synthesizer), “Who could have wished for more?”

Here’s how teacher and author Eckhart Tolle explains that.

"When you drop your expectations that a person, a situation, a place, or an object should fulfill you, it's easier to be present in this moment because you're no longer looking to the next one. Most people want to get what they want. The secret is to want what you get at this moment.

“Instead of creating expectations of what should or should not be happening, cooperate with the form that this moment takes. Bring a 'yes' to the is-ness, because it's pointless to argue if it already is. A greater intelligence is available to you when you no longer reject, deny, or 'don't want' what is.”

The same principle is at the heart of the Buddhist principle of suffering, and letting go of that suffering by letting go of desire. The desire for people or situations or circumstances to be different. The desire for wealth, health and love. The desire to fall asleep.

I know what you’re thinking: We need those things. Bear with me.

“People look to time in expectation that it will eventually make them happy, but you cannot find true happiness by looking toward the future,” continues Tolle. “Accept the present moment and find the perfection that is deeper than any form and untouched by time.”

It helps to remember that expectation isn’t the same thing as intention or action. Releasing expectations doesn’t mean abandoning efforts to resolve a problem or pursue a goal. Think of expectation (or its alter ego, desire) as the wishful part. “I wish this was different” simply causes suffering.

Letting go so happiness can enter is saying, “this is what is. This is what I can do now (if nothing, then an acceptance of Tolle’s ‘is-ness’).” 

Perhaps most importantly, “these are the many things I have now, and I see their beauty.” That’s the formula for happiness, following Hawking’s example and Tolle’s thinking.

Like almost anything, practice improves it.

Humanity’s greatest disease is that most of us are obsessively focused on what happens, so hypnotized by the fluctuating forms and inner narratives of false realities that become the content of our lives, we forget that true happiness and peace can only be found in the thoughtless beauty of this moment.

And this one.

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Sholeh Patrick is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network who needs to meditate again. Email sholeh@cdapress.com.