The Exhausted Dad: Fun with money
My kids know how to hoard their cash.
While we don’t offer them allowance in exchange for chores, my four children acquire money in a variety of ways: Tooth fairy visits, occasional odd jobs like weed pulling or snow shoveling, etc.
Once they get the money, they save the money. And yet, often, they find themselves in the possession of various goodies, prizes, toys and other “non-necessities.” How? By tricking their parents into buying stuff for them.
Case in point: With my two daughters off doing extracurricular activities, I decided to treat my two boys to a micro-shopping spree at Target. I told them they could select up to $6 in merchandise. Why? Because Dad wanted to go to Target for some goodies of his own, obviously, and the boys just happened to be with me at the time.
These days, six bucks won’t get you much besides a couple packages of candy/gum or a small trinket or two. The Target still offers $1 prizes at the front of their store … usually fidget toys or mini-coloring books. It’s at the front of the store because Target knows your kids will force you to stop there regardless of whether you make it to the toy aisle in the back of the store.
My oldest son, 10, knows how to work this section: “I’m going to just take these things with me to the toy aisle, just in case I don’t find anything for $6 there.”
This is a trick. Not only will he find something he wants for $6 in the toy aisle, but he also knows he can apply the pressure on me to “comp” a few extra dollar items.
My 10-year-old: “It’s just an extra $3. It’s not that much extra.”
Me: “But we agreed that you would not spend more than $6.”
My 10-year-old: “How much is that Ninja Turtle figurine you’re buying for yourself?”
Me: “It’s not important how much it is! I’m an adult!”
Both boys deployed another tactic once they discovered the assortment of Easter-themed mini Squishmallows in the seasonal section.
My 6-year-old son: “Ooh these are SPECIAL Squishmallows! They won’t have these later!”
My 10-year-old son (after he already picked out $8 worth of prizes): “Dad, what if I give you $4 when I get home? Then can I get the Squishmallow with everything else?”
Me: “The Squishmallow is $6 by itself! You’d owe me $8 for all the other stuff!”
My 10-year-old son: “What if I give you $5 when I get home?”
Me: “Fine, $5. But you’ve got to give it to me RIGHT when you get home.”
My 10-year-old son: “Yes. I’ll give you $4 right when I get home!”
In total, my 10-year-old collected $14 worth of prizes (not including tax!), and my 6-year-old acquired $8 worth. My oldest promised to pay me $4. I honestly don’t know how it reverted to $4 after I agreed to $5. I just gifted my 6-year-old the extra $2 because: A) He’s younger and hasn’t acquired as much money as the other kids; and B) He’s my LAST BABY!
And no, I won’t be disclosing how much I spent on myself at Target that day. Pop Pop deserves a treat!
On the way home, the boys asked for some Happy Meals. I told them Mom already made a plan for dinner.
My 10-year-old son: “We could just get some fries. Plus then you can get yourself an iced coffee.”
Nice play, son. Pop Pop DOES deserve an iced coffee!
A week later, my son still hasn’t paid me the $4. What a con artist.
• • •
Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer, full-time student, and parent to four kids, ages 6-12. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.
