Breaking grief's hold in Coeur d'Alene

COEUR d’ALENE — Christina Volk thinks of her mother often. 

“She was an incredible lady. She was very elegant,” Volk said. 

Her mom, Joanne Porcello, died in January at the age of 78. She battled dementia in her final days, which haunts Volk. They were close, and Volk looked after her mom for years before finally putting her in assisted living. 

“I wish I could have fixed it, but I can’t,” the Post Falls woman said. “You can’t fix dementia.” 

So, on a beautiful Tuesday evening, Volk attended the third annual Community Memorial Butterfly Release, where she hoped to find healing from the loss of her mom. 

“I miss her every day,” she said. 

About 100 people came out for the event put on by Auburn Crest Hospice, Northwest Infant Survival and SIDS Alliance and the University of Idaho College of Agricultural and Life Sciences at Share Hope Memorial Garden.

The painted lady butterflies for the release arrived in Moscow as caterpillars in May and were raised in the National Resources Entomology Lab of Professor Stephen Cook at UI.

Encouragement was offered near a statue that had the words, “It is our prayer that in this garden you will find peace, healing, and reflection,” etched into the base. As Luke Yates sang “Over the Rainbow,” the crowd was silent. 

Mike Walker, chaplain at Auburn Crest Hospice, said grief from the death of a loved one can leave someone with a spirit of heaviness and feeling hopeless. 

“There can be times in life you cry so much you just run out of tears and fall on the floor exhausted,” he said. “The emotional wound is so fresh and deep that we can’t even bear it.” 

A person is forever changed by such a loss, Walker said, but hope can replace hopelessness and provide the courage to take one more step “to go just a little bit further, and you’ll soar.” 

He told the crowd the butterfly release could be a turning point.

“Embrace it with the love God has given you,” he said. “Like the butterfly, keep going forward, like the caterpillar, keep going forward and break free.” 

Jan Whitcomb attended the memorial with her daughter, Kattie Whitcomb.  

Her father, Phil Dreisbach, died in January at age 85. Jan Whitcomb said her dad was “absolutely the best man you could ever meet.” 

As the youngest of three daughters, Whitcomb's father taught her how to drive, change oil and tires and replace brakes, even to fish. 

Without her father, “There’s definitely a hole there. We miss him,” Jan Whitcomb said. “I thought this might be a neat thing for us to come to, maybe have a little bit of closure, a reminder of hope."

Kattie Whitcomb said her grandfather “meant everything to me. He was so kind. He taught me how to be a good person.” 

She found comfort at Share Hope Memorial Garden. 

“We know he’s in Heaven," Kattie Whitcomb said.

When it was time to release the butterflies, young and old left their seats and crowded close. One by one, sometimes a few at a time, the butterflies flew from their containers. Some landed on hands and shoulders of people and heads. Others fluttered about before climbing high and disappearing into the trees. 

Sara Jane Ruggles with Auburn Crest Hospice said according to legend, butterflies transcend the world. 

"Some cultures believe that butterflies are capable of crossing into other realms and carrying messages to those that have passed away," according to the program.

“We’re hoping now when you see a butterfly, you’ll think of a loved one and smile,” Ruggles said. 

Volk looked down at one of the butterflies resting on her hand and thought of her mom. She said it was “beautiful, knowing that she’s with me right now." 

A few seconds later, the butterfly darted upward and flittered toward the blue sky. Gone.

Volk followed it with her eyes as long as she could. Then, she smiled.

“Oh, she just left. She’s flying high,” Volk said. “She's free."

    A butterfly sits on a finger as people crowd up front for the release of painted lady butterflies on Tuesday at Share Home Memorial Garden.
  

    A note for a loved one who passed on is placed into a fountain of water on Tuesday at Share Hope Memorial Garden.
  

    Some children wore butterfly wings to the third annual Community Memorial Butterfly Release on Tuesday.
  

    Share Hope Memorial Garden was home for the Community Memorial Butterfly Release on Tuesday.
  

    Christina Volk smiles as she looks at a butterfly on her hand during the Community Memorial Butterfly Release on Tuesday.