THE CHEAP SEATS with STEVE CAMERON: The ever-changing world of uniforms, from awesome to blah

Verdict: Guilty.

No excuses.

I am a uniform geek.

Yep, it’s so bad that I’ve been bubbling with anticipation over Major League Baseball’s new group of City Connect outfits, the ones just released.

The Mariners don’t have an entry this time around — which I’d ordinarily say is disappointing.

But that’s OK, it’ll give me time to control my blood pressure before the next super-cool Seattle uniform.

Plus.

There’s the issue of money.

Like, the amount I spend.

American teams finally have figured out how European (and even South American) soccer teams have created cash machines by changing kits every season.

Fans flock to buy the new ones.

It’s a pretty clever gig, really, keeping the sacred home shirt ALMOST the same each year as a nod to tradition (but tweaked just enough that true junkies have to buy it).

Meanwhile, the “away” kits get a wholesale switch every year, including patterns and even color.

Only the club’s historic crest must remain on that second shirt.

You know that I’m a fan of Arsenal Football Club in north London, so of course I have our away shirt from last year — which is wild yellow with crazy black lines going everywhere.

It looks like some leftover from a 1960s, LSD-powered rock concert.

Awesome!

I’VE LOVED uniforms since I first cared about sports.

In other words, when I got scolded by a grumpy Catholic nun in fifth grade because I was drawing a St. Louis Cardinal shirt (the birds on the bat were, and ARE, the very best), and she wanted me to pay attention to social studies.

I can’t tell you what makes some uniforms great — and some that seem similar somehow just come across as blah.

There are bold, exciting looks in every sport, products where you can tell the team and the manufacturer agreed, and said, “Let’s go for it!”

There are a lot more hot and thrilling uniforms in all sports these days — it’s about reading society and aiming for new, younger fans, I suspect.

Teams took some goofy chances back in the day, though — like the Astros’ sherbet-colored hoops in the 1980s, and the White Sox playing in black shorts to ease the heat.

Great fun.

That doesn’t mean I have anything against crisp, sharp uniforms that do not change — the Yankees, Dodgers, Notre Dame’s famous gold helmets, the Chicago Bears and Detroit Lions, and pretty much everyone in the NHL.

There’s a funny story about the Toronto’s iconic sweaters.

I think of it whenever I see the Yankees, because it stands out that the players’ names are NOT on the back of their jerseys.

The entire issue of names on uniforms has been batted around since 1960, when the White Sox first wore the names as a convenience to fans.

Anyhow, the National Hockey League decided that every team should have names — why not, when they’re zooming up and down the ice?

Toronto was owned by an old curmudgeon named Harold Ballard, and he refused to abide by the league rule.

Harold fought with NHL execs for months, until he finally announced he would give in on player names.

At the very next home game, the Leafs came out in their dark blue sweaters, with their last names in EXACTLY the same dark blue.

You couldn’t read a player’s name unless you had an arm around his shoulder.

JUST FOR the record, I don’t like any of the Mariners’ or Seahawks’ uniforms.

We have space issues, so I’ll start a debate on Gonzaga and Wazzu another day, OK?

Meanwhile, the Mariners blue and teal shirts look like they’ve been washed too many times in the wrong detergent.

They need to be colorful and BOLD.

As for the Hawks, whenever the NFL has one of its various “throwback” games and Seattle breaks out those magnificent, glowing sky blues from the days of Jim Zorn, it makes me want to weep.

Bring them back for good.

Please!

(Imagine how many you could sell.)

I feel the same about the Chargers, who — first of all, should still be in San Diego — had such beautiful baby blue uniforms in the era of John Hadl and Lance Alworth.

Look, I’m not suggesting a team or school go totally batty (see: Phil Knight, Oregon banana outfits).

Nothing crazy, but, since I’m always fired up to see a new uniform to decide how well it fits the scene, why can’t U.S. teams in various sports follow the lead of European soccer?

Keep the home uniforms the same, but vary your road gear from season to season.

I promise you, I know this from experience: Even the new uniforms that lay an egg when they’re released will eventually become classics.

And please, Mariners, make those shirts brighter and bolder.

You’ll sell more.

Maybe enough to buy a DH.

Email: scameron@cdapress.com

Steve Cameron’s “Cheap Seats” columns appear in The Press four times each week, normally Tuesday through Friday unless, you know, stuff happens.

Steve suggests you take his opinions in the spirit of a Jimmy Buffett song: “Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On.”