How to overcome fear

A city mouse went on a visit to his cousin in the countryside. The cousin welcomed him with a modest meal of beans. The city mouse turned up his nose and said, "I cannot understand how you can live with such poor food. Come to the city, and I'll show you what a real feast is like."

The two mice traveled to the city. In the dining room, they found the remains of a meal left by humans who lived in the house, and soon the two mice were enjoying jellies, cakes and puddings. Suddenly, they heard a noise. The country mouse said, "What is that?"

"It's just the dog who lives here," his cousin replied.

Just then, the door flew open and in charged a huge snarling dog. The two mice ran off. 

"Goodbye, cousin," said the country mouse.

"You're going so soon?" said his cousin.

"Yes," he replied. "Less at peace is better than more in fear."

Fear is a fascinating adversary. It is not just an emotion; it is a force that can dictate our actions and impact our lives profoundly. In one of my columns from many years ago, I shared a story about a student warrior who had to face fear. The warrior felt small and intimidated, while fear loomed large and threatening. But when the warrior asked fear how it could be defeated, fear revealed that its power came from its ability to unsettle and dictate action through intimidation.

The lesson here boils down to this: Fear has only as much power as we allow it to have. When we are faced with fear, we have a choice. We can let it paralyze us, or we can confront it and learn from it.

Fear often prevents people from taking risks, but embracing fear can lead to innovation and new opportunities. By stepping out of your comfort zone, you open yourself to experiences that can lead to success.

Managing your fears requires you to regulate your emotions, which enhances your emotional intelligence. Understanding your emotional responses to fear can improve your relationships and decision-making.

The best way to tackle fear is to first understand it. Identify what you are afraid of. Is it failure, rejection or the unknown? Acknowledge that fear is a natural response to a perceived threat. Identifying your fears helps you understand your limitations and the boundaries you need to push. It reveals your values and priorities by highlighting what you are afraid to lose or fail at. By anticipating what you're afraid of, you can take steps to mitigate risks. This proactive approach can reduce the likelihood of your fears materializing.

Leadership guru John C. Maxwell observed, "The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one." 

I'll be the first to admit that I have some fears that follow me. On the silly side, I'm afraid of embarrassing myself on the golf course. I have never let that stop me from playing, and somehow, I have survived every double bogey that becomes fodder for a lot of ribbing from my buddies. More seriously, I fear threats to my company — another pandemic, supply shortage, finding enough qualified staff — but we keep the doors open despite it all. We all have fears; it's how we deal with them that matters. 

Confront your fear instead of running away from it. Face it head-on. Use fear as a signal that you are about to do something brave and worthwhile. Every encounter with fear is an opportunity for growth. Whether you succeed or fail, there is a lesson to be learned in your bravery.

Every time you face fear you build resilience, which is the ability to bounce back from setbacks. Confronting and overcoming fears leads to personal growth and a stronger sense of self-efficacy.

"Do the thing you fear to do and keep on doing it … that is the quickest and surest way ever yet discovered to conquer fear," advised Dale Carnegie, the motivational author.

Being courageous isn't about the absence of fear; it is about moving forward despite feeling afraid. It is about using fear as a catalyst for growth, not a barrier to success.

Remember, fear itself is not the enemy. It is a natural response that can be harnessed for positive outcomes. The key is to not let fear control you, but rather to use it as a steppingstone to greater achievements.

Mackay's Moral: When you make friends with fear, it can't rule your world.

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Harvey Mackay is the author of the New York Times bestseller "Swim With the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive." He can be reached through his website, www.harveymackay.com, by emailing harvey@mackay.com or by writing him at MackayMitchell Envelope Co., 2100 Elm St. SE, Minneapolis, MN 55414.