Thomas 'Tom' Pagliasotti, 75

Mary Oliver’s poem “When Death Comes,” one of Tom’s longtime favorites, begins, “When death comes like the hungry bear in autumn, when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse to buy me, and snaps the purse shut … I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering: what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?”

In the autumn of Tom’s life, his health was ultimately destroyed by a rare and aggressive form of T-cell lymphoma that invaded his brain and lungs.  But in the end, he chose to forego the ravages of treatment, embrace the next chapter of his life journey with grace and step peacefully into the dark night, which he did June 3, 2024, a month after turning 75. 

Tom wore many hats, literally and figuratively.  Among the roles he played were loving and beloved life partner of Kim, father, father figure, grampa/Tompa, brother and friend, mentor and elder in his treasured ManKind Project, artist, reciter of poetry, storehouse of jokes, ROMEO (Retired Old Men Eating Out), gardener, fly fisherman, and jolly neighborhood fix-it guy.

After high school, where he was valedictorian and recipient of the prized Boettcher scholarship from West High School in Denver, Tom earned a bachelor’s degree in History from Colorado College and a Master’s degree from Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff. As for his life work, Tom started as a mason in Prescott, Ariz., and then spent two decades as a professor in the humanities department at Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University in Prescott, followed by another decade teaching math and philosophy at the alternative high school in Sandpoint, Idaho.

Tom is survived by his de facto wife, Kim Cheeley, and Kim’s large family: sons Caleb and Joshua (Erin); granddaughters Elaina and Eva; former wife Cindy; brothers Don (BillieAnn) and Dan; sister Susan (Rob); numerous nieces, nephews, step/surrogate kids and grandkids, all of whose lives are kinder and at once richer and lighter because of Tom’s joyful presence.

Mary Oliver’s poem continues, “And therefore I look upon everything as a brotherhood and a sisterhood, and I look upon time as no more than an idea, and I consider eternity as another possibility, and I think of each life as a flower, as common as a field daisy, and as singular, and each name a comfortable music in the mouth, tending, as all music does, toward silence.”  

Tom, the comfortable music of your name has moved gently toward silence, and you live now in the hearts of the many lives you touched so deeply.  

Donations in Tom’s memory will be gratefully received by Second Harvest at 2-harvest.org.  An informal gathering of friends and family will be held July 16, 2024, at 2 p.m. at the Lake City Center, 1916 N. Lakewood Drive in Coeur d’Alene. 

Please visit Tom’s online memorial and sign his guestbook at www.yatesfuneralhomes.com.