If you asked a movie critic

You didn’t ask, but I’m going to tell you anyway.

One of the best recurring features in all of film criticism was Roger Ebert’s Movie Answer Man, in which the late, great critic answered film-related questions from his readers.

With The Press readership slightly below that of the most recognized film critic of all time, we don’t usually get enough movie-related questions to fill a regular column. Instead, we fabricate the questions and I answer them like they’re real. Nobody knows the difference!

Question: Doesn’t that little jerk movie critic run a column about Oscar predictions every year? Why didn’t I see one? Any surprises or snubs in your (terrible) opinion? — Kenneth Nichols, Spirit Lake

How rude, Kenneth. This “little jerk” is turning 40 this year. I’m mature!

To answer your question, yes. I usually attempt to predict the Oscar nominations in all the top categories and publish it a few days before the announcement. The nominations were announced this past Tuesday.

Honestly, I forgot about it because it seems like the nominations came so early. The Academy Awards telecast won’t happen until March 10.

I wouldn’t have brought much to the table this year anyway, as most every journalist and blogger in the predictions game essentially bet on the same movies, particularly the subsequent 10-film lineup in Best Picture.

As far as “snubs” go, I would have preferred to see Greta Gerwig in the Best Director category, though that particular branch of the Academy prefers “artsier” movies over blockbusters. Same for Margot Robbie missing in Best Actress. I would have put her in instead of Annette Bening in “Nyad.” Bening gives a good performance, but the movie is underwhelming.

And, look, I know this sounds pretty nerdy, but “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem” absolutely deserved a spot in the Best Animated Feature race. It was critically-acclaimed and embraced by audiences, not to mention heavily respected in the animation world (as demonstrated by its numerous Annie Awards). Bummer, bros.

Question: What’s going to win the Best Picture Oscar? Make sure to say it’s the most Anti-Woke movie of all of them. — Leslie Groves, Post Falls

I don’t know what Anti-Woke means, but since I’m a white guy about to turn 40, I’ll probably understand the phrase soon.

The popular media will continue to push the narrative of “Barbenheimer,” pitting the two juggernauts “Barbie” and “Oppenheimer” against each other. In truth, it won’t be much of a competition.

While “Barbie” topped the 2023 box office and nabbed an impressive nomination tally, it’s not considered a favorite in most of its categories. “Oppenheimer,” on the other hand, has steamrolled through awards season, and it’s the heavy favorite to win Best Picture, Best Director for Christopher Nolan, Best Supporting Actor for Robert Downey Jr., and numerous tech categories.

Christopher Nolan’s unconventional biopic might even secure more wins than last year’s somewhat-surprising wrecking ball, “Everything, Everywhere All At Once,” which earned seven statues. “Oppenheimer,” while a visually striking and unusually structured film, is probably considered a more traditional Best Picture candidate compared to the oddball “Everything, Everywhere…” The Academy likes sweeping, generation-spanning epics about an “important real people.”

Question: Hey Tyler, I noticed you didn’t have “Oppenheimer” in your Top 10 Movies of 2023. Are you an idiot? — Ernest Lawrence, Athol

Yes.

Question: Are you going to explain yourself? — Ernest Lawrence, Athol

Oh, sure! “Oppenheimer” appeared in my “Next 10” honorable mentions section of my Favorite Movies of 2023 feature. I liked the movie quite a bit. More than at least 80 other movies from last year! I stand by my Top 10, which included “Barbie.” (Stop trying to pit these movies against each other! They’re both good! They’re both successful!)

Would “Oppenheimer” be my choice for the Best Picture Oscar? No, but another screening of “Oppenheimer” could convince me.

Truthfully, for as much as I enjoyed “Oppenheimer,” I had a few more nitpicks about it. I wanted the film to better explore the relationship between Oppenheimer (Cillian Murphy) and Jean Tatlock (Florence Pugh), as I thought it penetrated Oppenheimer’s inner turmoil more than, say, what Nolan tries to accomplish with the sequences involving Lewis Strauss (Robert Downey Jr., who still deserves that Oscar, by the way).

I also think Nolan underutilizes Emily Blunt as Oppenheimer’s wife, Katherine. I know it’s a bit of a cliché at this point to claim Nolan “doesn’t know how to write female characters,” but I wanted more from that aspect of “Oppenheimer” instead of Strauss’ Salieri turn.

Anyway, it’s still a great movie. Whenever I think about it, I like it more. I might even eventually call it “Best Picture.”

But right now, for me anyway, “Anatomy of a Fall” is the Best Picture of 2023.

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Tyler Wilson can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.