The T-Dub Awards 2023
Forget the Academy Awards, ditch the American Movie Institute and continue to ignore the Golden Globes. The Coeur d’Alene Press provides the only important movie awards for 2023. Rejoice! The T-Dub Awards of 2023 are below!
Scene of the year: The radio show in “Killers of the Flower Moon”
Just give him the Oscar already: Paul Giamatti, “The Holdovers”
Just give her the Oscar already: Sandra Huller, “Anatomy of a Fall”
The “She can do everything” award: Emma Stone, “Poor Things”
The “Deserves more leading roles” award: Jeffrey Wright, “American Fiction”
Best performance by an animal: Messi as “Snoop” in “Anatomy of a Fall”
Best first impression: Writer/director Celine Song with “Past Lives”
Funniest Movie: “Bottoms”
Best blockbuster: “Godzilla Minus One”
Worst blockbuster: “The Flash”
The “Just stop it already” award: “Fast X”
Worst movie: “Five Nights at Freddy’s”
Best cameo: Various Spider-People, “Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse”
Best musical moment: “I’m Just Ken” from “Barbie”
Best needle drop: “No Diggity” in “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem”
Best romance: Eve Hewson and Joseph Gordon-Levitt through a computer in “Flora & Son”
Scariest villain: Robert De Niro, “Killers of the Flower Moon”
Villain worth rooting for: “M3GAN”
Fine for a 5th sequel: “Scream VI”
The “Bad green screen will ruin your movie” award: “Ant-Man & The Wasp: Quantumania”
The “Your movie would still suck even if you had good visual effects” award: “Ant-Man & The Wasp: Quantumania”
Best movie you haven’t heard of: “Rye Lane”
Best fight: Stairway fight, “John Wick Chapter 4”
Best car chase: “Mission: Impossible: Dead Reckoning”
Best kiss: Water and Fire touch in “Elemental”
Best hero moment: Sisters team up in “Polite Society”
Best performance in a mediocre movie: Tie: Carey Mulligan, “Maestro” and Coleman Domingo in “Rustin”
The “A good ending can make all the difference” award: “Joy Ride”
Underrated performance: Tayana Taylor, “A Thousand and One”
Best ensemble cast: “Asteroid City”
Best breakout performance: Charles Melton in “May December”
The cast makes the movie: “The Color Purple”
The “Makes it look easy” award: Rachel McAdams in “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret”
Best scenery chewing: Mark Ruffalo, “Poor Things”
Scene stealer: Marshawn Lynch, “Bottoms”
The “Be careful how you recommend it” award: “How to Blow Up a Pipeline”
The “No more End-of-the-World movies please” award: “Leave the World Behind”
The “She deserves to be a bigger star” award: Lily Gladstone, “Killers of the Flower Moon”
The “Glad I Stayed Out of the Political Debate” award: “Sound of Freedom”
The “Makes everything better” award: Jennifer Lawrence in “No Hard Feelings”
Best chemistry: The teenage voice actors of “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem”
Best looking movie: “Oppenheimer”
Best inversion of expectations: “Fair Play”
Ickiest imagery: (Censored) from “Infinity Pool”
Best production/set design: Tie: “Asteroid City” and “Barbie”
Best comfort food: Kenneth Branaugh’s mustache in “A Haunting in Venice”
The “Better performance than her Oscar-winning performance” award: Tie: Julianne Moore and Natalie Portman in “May December”
Movie people get mad at me for recommending: “Saltburn”
The “Finally, a halfway decent live-action remake of a Disney cartoon” award: “The Little Mermaid”
The “Nicolas Cage still rules in good movies” award: “Dream Scenario”
The “Nicolas Cage still rules in bad movies” award: “Sympathy for the Devil”
The “Nicolas Cage is better than all your fancy CGI” award: “Renfield”
The “Not All Nicolas Cage movies can be winners” award: “The Old Way”
Go ahead and keep making them every couple years: “Mission: Impossible”
The “Adam Sandler finally made a good Netflix movie” award: “You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah”
The “I can’t be bothered to watch these mega-budget streaming movies” award: Tie: “Rebel Moon” and “Heart of Stone” on Netflix; “Ghosted” on Apple TV.
Best use of limited time: “The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar” and the three other Roald Dahl shorts by Wes Anderson.
Movie most fitting for a streaming service: “Please Don’t Destroy: The Legend of Foggy Bottom” on Peacock.
Most baffling decision: Waiting 20+ years to make a “Chicken Run” sequel.
The “Still pretty good” award: “Chicken Run: Dawn of the Nugget”
Best nostalgia trip: “Air”
All the tears: Tie: “What Was I Made For?” in “Barbie” and the final scene in “The Iron Claw”
Favorite movie other people think is just fine/bad: “Knock at the Cabin”
The “It’s fine, I guess” award: “The Killer”
The “Stop telling me it’s good” award: “Nyad”
The “What were they thinking?” award: “Hypnotic”
Movie most likely to cause a panic attack: “Beau is Afraid”
The “It’s never going to work, so stop trying” award: “Haunted Mansion”
Most enjoyable relic from the 90s: The courtroom theatrics in “The Burial”
Most traditionally powerful climax: “The Holdovers”
Most surprisingly powerful climax: “Past Lives”
Too much climax: “Transformers: Rise of the Beasts”
Better than it had any right to be: “Wonka”
Best “slow burn”: “You Hurt My Feelings”
Best animated film: “Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse”
I can’t believe I actually watched: “The Retirement Plan” (in a theater! Nicolas Cage movie #5 for 2023!)
Best vocal performance in an animated film: Daniel Kaluuya, “Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse”
The “I played solitaire on my phone for the entire run time” award: “Quasi”
Best trilogy capper: “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3”
The ”Hopefully they won’t make it a trilogy” award: “Good Burger 2”
The “A good part 3 except for one obvious issue” award: “Creed III.” Thanks for making it awkward, Jonathan Majors!
Best Hitchcockian riff: “Anatomy of a Fall”
Best use of a big budget: “Oppenheimer”
Best use of a small budget: “Godzilla Minus One”
Movie your dad will like: “The Boys on the Boat”
Best horror movie that’s not a horror movie: “Beau is Afraid”
Best movie I’ll never want to watch again: “The Iron Claw”
The “It’s totally fine!” award: “The Marvels”
The “Big swing and miss” award: “Cocaine Bear”
Wasted cast: “You People”
The “I can’t believe I still haven’t seen” award: “Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour”
Underrated: “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret”
Messy but points for trying: “The Creator”
Most overstuffed: “Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny”
Confusing title: “No One Will Save You”
The “Wish I could see it before I make a ‘Best of’ list” award: “All of Us Strangers”
Most unnecessary sequel: “The Meg 2: The Trench”
The “At least it was only 90 minutes” award: “Paw Patrol: The Mighty Movie”
Not as good as a “Princess Switch” movie: “Candy Cane Lane”
The “I forgot about it five minutes after seeing it” award: “Wish”
Most pleasant surprise: “Polite Society”
Strangest relic of 2023: “Flamin’ Hot” and the 900 other product origin stories.
Biggest hype for a forgettable movie: “The Super Mario Bros. Movie”
Biggest guilty pleasure: “Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves”
And… my kids’ favorite movie of 2023: “Barbie”
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Tyler Wilson can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.