THE FRONT ROW with MARK NELKE: 49ers need a Super scheme — and perhaps some North Idaho help — to beat the Chiefs

OK, so we’re down to one week remaining to figure out how to beat the big, bad, beloved Chiefs in the Super Bowl.

I just don’t know how the 49ers are going to do it.

The Chiefs have Patrick Mahomes, the maddeningly elusive quarterback and State Farm pitchman. 

I don’t think anyone has actually tackled him during his NFL career — he has that knack for eluding pass rushers and other tacklers, and is able to scramble without suffering the same fate as dogs who chase cars. 

The only person who can routinely get close to Mahomes?

Jake, from State Farm.

On those rare occasions where you manage to hit him (Mahomes, that is) — even inbounds — you are assessed a 15-yard penalty and have to go stand in the corner in timeout.

They also have That Tight End Who Dates You Know Who.

Not only is that a remarkable feat in itself, he is also one of the best tight ends in football — perhaps THE best. He always seems to be wide open whenever the aforementioned Mahomes is in trouble and needs to unload the football.

They have a seemingly plethora of interchangeable speedy running backs and receivers — however many names they have.

And now, the Chiefs also have a really good defense.

How did this team lose six games during the regular season? Were they bored? Were some of their key players on vacation?

NOW, WE have pretty good players as well.

None of them are in commercials, or dating anyone famous — and many of them were barely heard of coming out of college.

We have some pretty talented skill players on both sides of the ball, as well as those who have worked their way into becoming very good skill players. They’re not good just because our coach is masterful at scheming people open — though that doesn’t hurt.

Hopefully the talent we have is able to overcome our few deficiencies — our offensive line sometimes has protection issues, and other than cornerback Charvarious Ward, our other DBs have a hard time covering people without committing pass interference penalties.

We have a pretty good defense — although we didn’t show it in our first two playoff games.

If we play like that next Sunday, we could get destroyed. Even if we play well, it might not be enough against a Chiefs team that thrashed our defense last year in a regular-season game.

WE MIGHT need some help.

Like …

Maybe … 

That Tight End Who Dates You Know Who and That Girl Who Writes All Those Breakup Songs will steal away to North Idaho for a few days before the big game, go for a nice leisurely drive … and get caught up navigating all those traffic circles on Prairie Avenue and look into building a house here.

Or … 

The Quarterback You Can’t Tackle and Jake from State Farm head up to Schweitzer for a day or two, and get caught up in all that Sandpoint hospitality.

Aside from that …

OUR QUARTERBACK is not sexy, a pretty boy or strong-armed — but he works for us.

For the morons who say he’s just a “system” quarterback, well, you’ve still got to avoid the rush and make the throws.

We had other, more strong-armed guys in here in recent years who could not avoid the rush and make those throws when we needed them to be made.

That’s why they are no longer here.

Sorry it’s not sexy, but that’s not how these 49ers roll.

WE ALMOST had them the last time we played them in the Super Bowl, four years ago.

A 10-point lead and the ball with 10 minutes remaining.

The Chiefs’ high-powered offense stuck in neutral.

All we needed was another first down or two, a nice boring drive to eat up some clock and keep their offense off the field before they realized they could just chuck it all over the field against us and have success.

To the outside world, the sexy take is we lost the Super Bowl when Jimmy G overthrew an open Emmanuel Sanders on a bomb with the 49ers down by 4 in the closing minutes.

Yes, that would have put us ahead, but by that time, the Chiefs had figured out how to move the ball on us. They would have just answered with the @#$%$#* elusive Mahomes scrambling around and gashing us with his arm or his legs until they scored.

Nope, we lost the game early in the fourth quarter, with that 10-point lead, when we couldn’t convert a simple third down or two to keep the ball and end the game.

Four years later, we now have the folks to get those first downs, keep the ball and keep the clock moving and finish the game.

Now, the hard part — if we can just find a way to get another 10-point lead with the ball early in the fourth quarter …

Mark Nelke is sports editor of The Press. He can be reached at 208-664-8176, Ext. 2019, or via email at mnelke@cdapress.com. Follow him on X (formerly Twitter) @CdAPressSports.