The Exhausted Dad: Babies make for conversation starters
Although I love my four kids at their current ages, I often reminisce longingly about their baby years.
Sure, taking care of little children means long nights, hundreds of dirty diapers and constant fatigue, but look! CUTE BABY!
I love babies. I love it when they smile. I love it when they laugh. I love it when they sleep. And I love it when they scream … it means I can hold them and rock them and make them feel better!
With my youngest now 7 years old, I don’t get that baby fix unless I can corner one of my neighbors with younger kids into an unnecessary conversation on the front lawn. “How about this weather, amirite?” “What’s your sprinkler system schedule?” “It looks like you have your hands full, can I hold your baby for an hour?”
I see lots of other babies out in the community (OK, mostly at Target), and I always need to check myself before even making eye contact with those adorable little blobs. I’m a 40-year-old man! Parents don’t want random 40-year-old men interacting with their children! Some other 40-year-old man tries to look at my much older kids at the store, and I’m running to that security guy at the front of the store!
Also, thank you for your service, Target Security Guy. Yes, next time I will promptly have my receipt for $8.63 ready for your inspection.
That being said, the best moments about being inside a giant retail store are when you’re standing in line behind a tiny little baby smiling at you. If the baby smiles at you first, and you’re stuck in line, you’re allowed to smile back and wave at the baby!
However, I’ll tell you what I won’t do: I won’t make awkward, small talk conversation with the parent about their baby’s general demeanor. I remember a bunch of people doing that with me and my kids when they were small, and it often felt like an interrogation.
“Yes, she is a happy baby! Well, no she isn’t always so sweet! But that’s the general demeanor of babies and not at all a reflection of my parenting. Look, my baby is normal, and I’m a good parent, OK?”
Recently, I noticed a way to get more interactions with babies out in the public. On rare occasions, I need to wear a suit for work (purchased from a thrift shop, obviously). It seems to me that people take me much more seriously while wearing a suit, as opposed to my typical “shorts and cartoon-character T-shirt” aesthetic. People with babies come up to ME and start talking to ME! Then I promptly ignore the adult and make funny faces at their baby. I’ll shake the baby’s hand, say, “Pleased to meet you” in a stuffy British voice and never make eye contact with their parent again. I’m very professional.
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Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer, full-time student, and parent to four kids, ages 7-13. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.
The Exhausted Dad