THE CHEAP SEATS with STEVE CAMERON: Not a lot of faith in M's after one week

“It’s too early to panic.”

That’s your advice from Mariners boss Jerry Dipoto, summarizing the first week of the 2024 baseball season.

OK, Jerry, but here’s a fair question.

When does panic become acceptable?

Is there a particular date when the Mariners must halt their impression of the Bad News Bears?

There’s been nothing about the Mariners misadventures so far that might suggest optimism.

That’s unless you count their record, which is 3-4 over a span of time that’s a blink of your eye in baseball terms.

It’s not like they’re winless and headed to a hundred-loss disaster.

They just LOOK like that.

You’ll recall that this is a team built on pitching and defense.

So, it’s at least mildly annoying that ace Luis Castillo has given up four runs in each of his two (short) starts, and the Mariners have lost them both.

Or, that George Kirby delivered 6 2/3 scoreless innings in a 1-0 victory over Boston — but then on Wednesday, he absorbed a thumping from Cleveland, giving up eight runs and 10 hits in less than four innings.

HONESTLY, most fans may have lost track of Kirby’s woes in that game, because the defense behind him made you think more of circus clowns that pro athletes.

Here’s a hilarious note you should save for your grandchildren: There was not one official error charged in that game — although the Mariners bobbled, juggled, and flat-out missed about a dozen batted or thrown balls.

No, I won’t list the crimes here because we don’t have the space, plus suffering through that 8-0 beating just ONCE was enough, thank you.

Manager Scott Servais delivered a summary of the week, and stated the obvious.

“We’ve got to pick it up,” he said.

For a moment, the assembled media may have wondered if he was talking about games going forward — or ground balls through the infield.

I mean, it would help if THEY were picked up occasionally.

The M’s pitching for the week was scary (missing injured relievers Matt Brash and Gregory Santos may cause future crashes) and the defense, ah, we’ve covered that.

Third base figured to be a problem area with Eugenio Suarez gone, Jorge Polanco has always been ordinary at second, and outfielders Dom Canzone and Mitch Haniger are certain to have problems.

This team never looked like it could provide a useful defense to help that (hopefully) good pitching staff.

The main offseason goal was putting together a decent lineup — and especially one that could cut down on strikeouts.

The Mariners whiffed 1,603 times last season, and you don’t have to be a math major to see that with a 162-game season, they averaged just under 10 strikeouts per game.

Suarez and Teoscar Hernandez finished 1-2 in Ks in the American League, and young Jarred Kelenic was on pace to join them when he kicked that water cooler and went on the injured list.

DIPOTO made it a point to say that he and GM Justin Hollander intended to assemble a lineup that would make better contact.

“We’ve tried to find guys who know the strike zone, so we can cut down on chasing pitches,” Dipoto said.

“We also need to work on dealing with breaking balls. The league knows we’ve had trouble with them, so everyone is going to be spinning pitches at us.”

Um, how is THAT plan going so far?

Well, the Mariners have struck out 74 times (yep, back to that spot just short of 10 per game), and the only group in MLB with more whiffs are the Dodgers (82).

It’s worth noting, though, that L.A. has played two more games than Seattle, but also that the Dodgers are hitting .294 as a team, with an OPS of .868 — leading to 54 runs scored so far.

The Mariners have a batting average of .196, an on-base percentage of .261 (worst in either league), and have scored 17 runs.

Hey, if you’re going to toss out a bunch of non-hitters out there, at least go get some defensive wizards.

OK, OK.

It’s early.

I know.

Judging the Mariners after seven games probably isn’t fair, but you know what?

I have a queasy feeling about this season.

To turn things around, the pitching staff has to get completely healthy — because it’s tough to see this lineup hitting the ball (or catching it) at a pennant-chase level.

And then, obviously, the pitchers have to be awesome.

That MIGHT do it.

Email: scameron@cdapress.com

Steve Cameron’s “Cheap Seats” columns appear in The Press four times each week, normally Tuesday through Friday unless, you know, stuff happens.

Steve suggests you take his opinions in the spirit of a Jimmy Buffett song: “Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On.”