A ‘Flash’ of mediocrity

David Zaslav, the CEO of Warner Bros. Discovery, pitched the studio’s “Flash” movie as one of the greatest superhero movies of all time.

Now we know not to trust that guy’s opinion.

A studio executive with hundreds of millions of dollars on the line should be expected to hype his blockbuster. Given all the turmoil within the DC movie universe in recent years, Warner Bros. desperately needed a win.

Unfortunately, “The Flash” is as big of a mess as “Justice League, “Black Adam,” and most everything else in the studio’s misbegotten superhero lineup. It speeds through a pseudo-origin story while inserting pandering multiversal fan service and some of the worst CGI to grace the big screen since Neo brawled hundreds of Agent Smiths 20 years ago in “The Matrix Reloaded.”

Ezra Miller (currently facing some serious criminal accusations) plays two distinct versions of the speedy Barry Allen. The least-annoying version is the socially-awkward one that originated in “Justice League.” He wants to help Batman (Ben Affleck) and the rest of the world’s superheroes without feeling like a tagalong. When not rescuing CGI babies falling out of a skyscraper (really), Barry spends his free time searching for evidence that will exonerate his father (Ron Livingston), who was wrongfully convicted of murdering Barry’s mother (Maribel Verdu, a bright spot in her limited flashbacks) years prior.

Discovering that his faster-than-light speed allows him to travel back in time, Barry decides to attempt a reset of his life by making one small change that will ultimately prevent his mother’s death. Noted orphan Batman, of course, warns against breaking the multiverse (in an excellent scene that proves once again that Affleck was never the problem in the DCEU).

Barry doesn’t listen and back in time he goes! Unfortunately, time travel is fickle, and he crash lands in an alternative universe where he meets a pampered, much-more-annoying version of himself who’s biggest superpower is being incredibly obnoxious.

Much of “The Flash” focuses on the dynamic between these two Barrys. Putting aside Ezra Miller’s personal troubles, their interpretation(s) of Barry Allen have always been outsized and mannered. A little bit of that quirkiness goes a long way, and in “The Flash,” it’s more than two hours of two Ezra Millers being abrasive. Way too much.

The ultimate hook of “The Flash” is the return of Michael Keaton as a well-past-his-prime Bruce Wayne/Batman of this alternate universe. Director Andy Muschietti and a team of credited and uncredited writers (this movie has been in development for many years) opts for the “long-haired-Luke-Skywalker-in-Last-Jedi” approach for Keaton’s Batman, who quit crime fighting years ago. He explains the multiverse with a spaghetti metaphor, says a few stilted lines from his previous Bat tenure and squeezes into the old suit before a CGI version flips around the screen without purpose. It’s a waste of Keaton and his talents.

“The Flash” dives hard into multiverse nonsense with the arrival of Michael Shannon’s Zod, the big bad from “Man of Steel.” Rather than a Superman appearance though, the Barrys and Batman discover that a Supergirl needs to be unleashed to stop Zod’s apocalypse. Sasha Calle makes the most of her limited appearance here, but the character only really serves to escalate the film’s busy, forgettable final action sequence.

The effects throughout “The Flash” are rubbery and cartoonish (a “creative decision” according to Muscietti. Sure.). Worst of all, the movie climaxes on even more multiverse nonsense that looks cobbled together by deep fake AI technology.

“The Flash,” at least remembers in the final minutes that it’s trying to tell a story about broken relationships with parents. There’s a conflict between the two Barrys late in the movie that could’ve been a much better centerpiece for a “Flash” plot. Alas, this movie must smash its CGI action figures together too often to allow for that better story to breathe.

Just a few weeks removed from “Across the Spider-Verse,” a movie that takes a much more thoughtful approach to the multiverse concept, “The Flash” feels even more insincere and overblown. Superhero and multiverse fatigue exists precisely because of movies like “The Flash.” Hopefully the upcoming changes at DC lead to filmmakers remembering that, regardless of the IP, a good movie needs more than CGI and shameless references to better versions of itself.

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Tyler Wilson can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.