The Exhausted Dad: A fierce cheering section for the road team

My wife deserves the spotlight for several hundred reasons. For today, she gets the spotlight for being a (mostly) devoted fan.

We recently took our four kids to a Seattle Mariners baseball game. Or, as I describe it, we attended a Minnesota Twins game that took place in Seattle. The Mariners are my strong No. 2 team, but I’ve been a devoted Twins fan my entire life, making the rest of the family de facto Twins fans as well.

Keep in mind that all four kids, the oldest being 12, still don’t really understand the rules of baseball, despite my repeated attempts to explain them. Their fandom mostly consists of asking me, “Did the Twins win today?” with an affirmative answer garnering a half-hearted “Yay.”

Going to a baseball game, however, is an absolute blast for all ages, especially if you ignore how much they’re charging you for hot dogs and kettle corn.

Such an activity with four kids requires major parental effort, and my wife quickly earned the title of Best Parent merely by being willing to drive us to the stadium in the heat of Seattle traffic (I don’t enjoy driving).

The transportation factor alone means she’d be more than entitled to be a casual attendee at the baseball game, especially as someone attending alongside a die hard fan of the away team.

That being said, my formidable baseball years as a kid were truly shaped by the 1995 Mariners team and especially Edgar Martinez and Ken Griffey Jr. Conversely, my memories of the 1991 World Series win for the Twins are fuzzy at best. So while I’m a Twins fan first, I never feel quite comfortable cheering loudly for them while in “enemy territory.” I want both teams to do well (Just the Twins a little bit more).

As a result, I’ve been a pretty chill fan at numerous Twins-Mariners games over the years. I wear a Twins cap and sweatshirt, and I’ll slap my hands together quietly for especially strong plays. Otherwise, I like to be respectful.

Our kids, however, have heard stories about their mom being a bit boisterous at baseball games, though mostly in Minnesota or whenever we’ve seen the Mariners play any team other than the Twins.

After we lugged our six free Ty France bobbleheads to our seats, my oldest daughter turned to me and asked, “Is Mom gonna cheer and yell something crazy?”

She did not disappoint.

First of all, let me say that she’s not an annoying fan. She merely cheers and boos in all the same ways the Mariners fans do, just for the opposing team.

An example: An opposing pitcher throws to first base to keep a baserunner close to the bag, the home crowd typically boos the move. My wife did the same… but instead for when a Mariners pitcher threw to first base to check on a Twins runner.

One single person booing loudly in an otherwise quiet stadium is noticeable…or at least it seemed that way from all the eyes in our section glancing over at us.

We happened to attend a game where the Twins scored several runs, which meant there was a lot of “whoos” coming from a certain person in our section as the rest of the crowd was largely silent.

Now, look, I understand that the Mariners are in a bit of a tough position this year… playing at essentially .500 in a competitive division. I don’t want them to struggle, and I sympathize with a home crowd in attendance of a blowout (I’ve been there with the Twins a few different times, sadly).

But here’s the thing: The Mariners went to the playoffs last year for the first time in 20 years and the Twins missed out. While the Twins have made numerous postseason appearances since the last time the Mariners made it, they currently hold the record for the longest run of losses of ANY of the four major men’s professional sports. They haven’t won a postseason game since 2002, despite playing in at least 18 of them (I honestly stopped counting).

The Mariners, after their long draught, went in and won their very first postseason game since circa 2000. It was just slightly annoying, OK?

Anyway, I couldn’t help but giggle the entire game as my wife appeared to be the only supportive Twins fan in the entire stadium. My kids joined in her fun after a while too, though, even after all the cheering, my youngest daughter, 8, asked me at least a dozen times if the Twins were winning.

My wife just likes to cheer. And she doesn’t care who hears it.

The best example of this came in a particular at-bat involving Minnesota Twins shortstop Carlos Correa. As baseball fans remember, Correa was part of the Houston Astros team that cheated their way to World Series victory by banging on trash cans (long story if that sentence doesn’t make sense to you). Since becoming a Twin, I’m merely tolerant of Carlos Correa. He’s a cheater, yes, but now he plays for my team, and judging by how the Twins are likely to set the record for most strikeouts by a team in a single season, it doesn’t appear that his cheating ways have made their way to Minnesota.

Anyway, Correa gets booed loudly in basically every Major League stadium in the country except maybe Houston and Minnesota (though he’s heard some boos from Twins fans after a horrific start this year). Sure enough, Mariners fans booed Correa with gusto every time he walked up to the plate.

One of the loudest people booing in the stadium? Yep, my wife.

Her reasoning: “He’s a cheater. Also, it’s really fun to boo.”

On this particular at-bat, she booed loudly again as he walked up to the plate. A few pitches later, Correa smashed a home run over the left field fence. Silence in the stadium again. Then my wife cheered Correa louder than any other cheer for any other player that day.

“WOOOOOO! WAY TO GO! CARLOS! WOOOOOOOOOO!”

The game was 10-3 Twins at this point.

“WOOOO!!! TWINS! HOME RUN! WOOOOO!!!!”

I might have been embarrassed if I wasn’t laughing so hard.

I asked her why she booed Correa and then cheered for his home run!

“CORREA’S A CHEATER! BUT HOME RUN! GOOD JOB! IT’S HARD TO HIT HOME RUNS! GO TWINS!”

This is how you know you found your soulmate.

• • •

Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer, full-time student, tortured baseball fan and a parent to four kids, ages 6-12. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.