The exhausted dad: The 2022 movie log for an 11-year-old
The Exhausted Dad
As a companion piece to my Best Movies of 2022 feature in this section, I decided to amplify the voice of Team Wilson’s harshest critic — my 11-year-old daughter.
We showed her plenty of movies old and new this year, and she had opinions! I did my best to fairly reflect her opinions on some highlights of movies old and new:
“The Wizard of Oz” (1939)
“It was… good.” The hesitation means she’s being diplomatic.
“Hotel Transylvania 3”
“Not as good as the other Hotel Transylvania movies.”
“Sing 2” (2021)
Neither of us can remember a single thing about this movie.
The original “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” trilogy (1990-1993)
She genuinely liked the 1990 original. She pretended to like the two sequels so as not to hurt my feelings.
“Turning Red”
She loved it, but it also made her nervous since she watched it before starting middle school.
“Apollo 13” (1995)
We didn’t tell any of our kids what happened before we started the movie. My daughter loves all things space, and she was on the edge of her seat the entire movie.
“Chip n’ Dale’s Rescue Rangers”
“I don’t understand why you think this is funny, Dad.”
“Spider-man” (2002), “Spider-Man 2” (2004), “Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), “Spider-Man: Far from Home” (2019), “Spider-Man: No Way Home” (2021)
“All the ‘Spider-Man movies are really good, Dad.” That’s because I didn’t show her the lousy ones!
“Batman Forever” (1995)
I tried to explain to her how excited I was as an 11-year-old in 1995 seeing this colorful Batman movie. She found it to be weird and unsettling. Just wait until I show her 1997’s “Batman & Robin.”
“Sonic the Hedgehog 2”
“Not as good as the first movie.”
“The Sea Beast”
An underrated animated Netflix original. Says the both of us!
“Lightyear”
Like everyone, she was confused by the lack of connection to the “Toy Story” franchise. But she liked the space stuff.
“Jurassic Park” (1993)
At the end she said she liked it and called it “intense.” Then I refused to speak to her until she declared it as the greatest movie ever made.
“Jurassic World: Dominion”
She liked this one because it wasn’t scary. Doesn’t she understand that’s part of the problem?!
“Thor: Ragnarök” (2017)
I spent most of the running time trying to explain the timeline of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
“Minions: The Rise of Gru”
“Good but short,” she said.
I said, “Thank God it’s short!”
“Thor: Love & Thunder”
We saw this as the second of a double feature at a Washington drive-in. It started around midnight, so she remembers almost none of it. Neither do I.
“E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial” (1982)
This was her second viewing of “E.T.” after seeing it in a theater four years ago. Let me double check my notes, but I believe she said: “E.T. is the greatest movie ever made, with the exception of maybe “Jurassic Park.”
“Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”
She pretended to like this one too.
“Pinocchio” — Disney Plus live action remake
“Why does everything look so… terrible?” Why indeed.
“Liar, Liar” (1995)
She said this was one of the worst movies she’s ever seen in her life. I think it’s clear now my daughter won’t sanction any of Jim Carrey’s buffoonery.
“Barbarian”
“Not gory enough,” she said. Just kidding. Of course I didn’t show her this insane horror movie!
“Wendell & Wild”
“That movie was weird.”
“Disenchanted”
“Meh.”
“Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio”
I think all the death talk in this one creeped her out, but she loved the stop-motion animation.
“Matilda the Musical”
All four of my kids wanted to restart it almost immediately after it finished. Watch it! It’s on Netflix!
“A Christmas Story Christmas”
“Why did they make this movie?” Because everything’s a franchise now.
“National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” (1989)
We tried showing her this last year and she ignored it. This year, she succumbed to several belly laughs. I asked her what she thought about the foul language. She said it’s nothing she hasn’t heard before from her parents…. I mean, other kids at school.
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Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer, full-time student and parent to four kids, ages 5-11. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.