The exhausted dad: New members of a quiet, attentive crowd

Parents of young children know how difficult it can be to attend public events and performances. You can’t expect babies and little kids to be quiet for extended periods of time. If they need something, they’re going to let everyone know about it.

Most parents understand, then, that the best place to be situated in a public event is somewhere near the exit. When that kid gets squirmy, or that baby gets screamy, the faster you can escape the potential for public shame, the better.*

*I don’t recommend air travel with young kids unless you can tolerate the rageful glares of an entire plane full of fellow passengers.

Unfortunately, there remains a subset of the parenting population who never remove their children from public events no matter how disruptive they become. I’m sure people have their reasons for sticking around, and I won’t judge them too harshly. But I do want non-parents to know that MOST parents are either a) considerate of others or b) at least terribly afraid of being yelled at by strangers.

For parents with many children, like me, the early years are the best time to enjoy as many activities as you can muster that won’t confine you in a single location for long stretches. We didn’t take our young kids to the movies all together very often because it was simply too much effort to keep the four of them happy and quiet for the full run time. And I would NEVER take them to a movie I personally wanted to see. Between the various bathroom breaks and popcorn refills, I was bound to miss about 50 percent of the film anyway.

As much as I mourn the fact that my children are no longer babies, I do appreciate our recent promotion back into the public world. My youngest is 5, and he knows how to whisper and sit still for longer than ever before (at least 20 minutes!). All the credit should go to his extremely patient kindergarten teacher.

With the older kids capable of adhering to reasonable audience etiquette, the entire family can now go to public places and NOT make complete fools of ourselves. I don’t think I appreciated this fact until just recently.

At my oldest daughter’s latest middle school band concert, the other five members of the Wilson clan sat in the bleachers for the entire performance without incident. Contrast that to the parents sitting in front of us, desperately trying to keep their wriggling 3-year-old from hollering out to his flute-playing older sister on the stage.

The Wilson clan cheered at all the appropriate times… at the end of each song. Contrast that to the folks sitting a few seats to the right of us, who had a constantly cheering 2-year-old and a very angry baby who did NOT approve of the sixth-grade band’s trumpet section.

We heard all the songs too. Contrast that to the mom who had to escape the room after the first song because of, um, an explosive situation with her cute little one.

In those moments, I felt the relief of our family being just another set of respectful, quiet audience members. Those thoughts helped to quell the sadness I typically feel whenever I see other cute little babies and kids in public. I’m devastated that I don’t have precious little babies in my care anymore, but at least I’m not being scowled at during every second of public life.

I guess this means our family can go enjoy more normal person activities again. We can eat in a restaurant! We can all go to the movie together!

Wait… has anyone noticed the price of food and movie theater ticket prices lately? Nevermind. Let us know when the next free band concert comes up on the schedule.

• • •

Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer, full-time student, and parent to four kids, ages 5-11. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.