The exhausted dad: College life — A kid’s perspective

Recess, lunchrooms and playground drama… it’s a college life for me!

Prior to this year, my kids only knew two things about college: 1) Some people go after high school, and 2) Mom and Dad met at college 20 years ago.

With me back on the college scene (that’s how the cool kids describe it), my children have now had more exposure to the lifestyle and how my experiences compare to their school days.

My kindergartner is the most shocked by these differences. On one occasion he asked me about what I did for recess that day. His brain just about exploded when I told him that adults don’t get those.

“NO RECESS?! WHAT!? WHERE YOU GET OUT ALL YOUR ENERGY?!”

He’s asked me about art projects (don’t have them) and “free choice” stations (I wish). He sees that I bring my computer to school every day too. He uses a computer at school for reading and math activities.

Him: “Do you get prizes for leveling up on your reading games?”

Me: “No, but I read hundreds of pages I don’t understand and just hope nobody asks me about it until the final.”

Him: “My teacher has HUNDREDS of stickers!”

My middle two children enjoy hot lunch at their elementary school on a regular basis. It costs like $3 or something for a meal. They ask me if I ever go to my school’s “lunchroom.”

Me: “There’s a café in the building with $3 cans of soda and $9 half-sandwiches.”

My 7-year-old: “Mmmm soda!”

Me: “Or I can walk across campus I get a meal for like $16.”

My 7-year-old: “I have 16 dollars!”

Sometimes I think my oldest daughter, a sixth-grader, thinks we’re attending the same level of school. We both have multiple classes, homework and tests. She moves around the school into different classrooms, and we both have classmates we wish would just be quiet already.

Her: “Uh, it’s so annoying. (Name redacted) keeps interrupting class with the most non-sensical comments. Like, hello, I’m trying to learn here!”

Me: “I KNOW. This one guy with a weird mustache keeps asking 100 ‘What if?’ questions during class, and I’m like, STOP. No hypotheticals. I’m trying to learn here!”

I’ve been going to school for multiple months now, but it’s only recently that she’s noticed the key differences.

One morning, she saw me walk out of the house with three large textbooks in my arms, plus my backpack.

Her: “Whoa, Dad, are you gonna carry those all at once to your locker?”

Me: “I don’t have a locker.”

Her: “YOU DON’T HAVE A LOCKER!? I. WOULD. DIE.”

Another day, she walked into the office and saw me reading from one of my textbooks… specifically the one with more than 1,800 pages.

Her: “Do you have to read all of that?”

Me: “We’ll probably skip some pages, but yeah.”

Her: “I. WOULD. DIE. What is that book even about?”

Me: “It’s about the Constitution and some other stuff.”

Her: “I know about the Constitution! It’s not very big!”

She looked over at the page and read two sentences out loud before stopping.

Her: “None of those words make sense.”

Me: “I agree.”

Her: “Well, I’m not going to college for THAT.”

Well, that’s proof at least one of my kids will make better educational decisions than me.

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Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer, full-time student and parent to four kids, ages 5-11. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.