The Exhausted Dad: Holiday festivities hosted by norovirus

Winter break should be a time for rest, relaxation and holiday traditions. Sharing the season with loved ones can build long-lasting memories that will be cherished for generations.

Some things, however, shouldn’t be shared. In the days leading up to Christmas this year, my family shared some wonderfully awful norovirus.

Such ailments are inevitable in families with kids. With a steady December run of family gatherings, holiday concerts, school parties and indoor extracurricular activities, my four children came face-to-face with every germ and virus currently circulating around the Inland Northwest.

The most feared by far: Stomach bugs. Noroviruses are so contagious, it’s nearly impossible for just one person in the family to fall ill. Go do some quick Internet reading on how little exposure it takes to become infected and compare that number to the sheer volume of virus that enters a room after someone barfs into a bowl.

Or just trust me when I say the norovirus in a household of six is as diabolical and inevitable as The Thing in a frozen research camp or a Xenomorph in a confined spacecraft.

Indeed, my 6-year-old son became the first victim on just the second day of winter break. His stomach hurt (which happens often with 1st graders), but he tried to tell us it felt “different.”

“Try eating a snack,” I suggested. Mistake.

“Are you constipated? How much water have you had? Go drink a big glass of warm water.” Another miscalculation.

“Here, let me mix in a part of a charcoal tablet into the applesauce. Charcoal always helps a yucky tummy.” The grossest mistake. Because when it doesn’t work, the pitch-black charcoal turns the evacuated substances into… well, dark-looking evacuated substances.

As seasoned parents at this stage, my wife and I know how to handle a kiddo with a stomach bug. Separate the kid from their siblings, give them a bowl and a yoga mat to sleep on the floor and provide them with a mountain of soft-but-small-size blankets, as in blankets that can be easily washed after 24 hours.

That first kiddo, honestly, was the lucky one. Once the bug exited, life returned to normal. For him. The rest of the family, however, spend the next several hours and days worrying about who will become the next victim.

A few years ago, around Thanksgiving, the Wilson Family experienced a similar situation, and in that case, every person in the family became ill individually, almost exactly one day after the previous person. It made for a long week, with the later victims nearly being undone by the terror of anticipation.

This time, my youngest son puked a few times that night, fell asleep relatively easily then felt basically okay the next morning. His siblings never spent a single second in the same room as him for a full 24 hours. Christmas was coming, after all, and nobody wanted to puke on Christmas.

After a full day without incident, we all began to let down our guard. Maybe it wasn’t a norovirus at all. Maybe he ate something foul at school! Maybe we were SO hygienic with the cleanup that we eliminated the virus from the house.

Then, on the second day removed from my son feeling better, my oldest daughter complained of stomach cramps. Meanwhile, my oldest son didn’t want to eat anything because his tummy felt “weird.”

“I’m fine!” my youngest daughter declared. She takes every opportunity to appear superior to her siblings.

Within a single hour, all three would feverishly demand a barf bowl.

For one fateful night last week, my wife and I rotated support and clean-up for three very sick kids, each of them throwing up every 20 minutes or so for several hours. Between hair holding and bowl management, I probably washed my hands 67 times that night. But I always knew my time would come.

Compared to the one-after-another Thanksgiving week of a few years back, I very much hated the short-term three-for-all even more. I don’t often question the decision to have four kids, but I certainly regretted it several times that night.

The mayhem ended after about 12 hours, and, thankfully, the three kids recovered about as quickly as my youngest. Christmas was still a few days away, thank goodness, and all the kids survived their showdown with the evil bug.

But almost nobody escapes the wrath of a norovirus. Not when you handle as many throw-up bowls as I did that night.

Another 24 hours passed before my time came. My stomach had already hurt for days at that point, wrenching and twisting on account of all the anxiety I felt after the first kid threw up. That’s the thing about norovirus. It makes you ill just thinking about it… then it makes you so ill your body literally tries remove all its inside parts.

I’ll spare you the details. But my time came and went before Christmas as well. What a horrible, albeit short-lived, gift from my kids.

Another fun fact: Even after you get sick and feel better, a person with norovirus can be contagious to others for as long as two weeks! There’s still time to readjust your New Year’s Eve plans!

• • •

Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer, full-time student, and parent to four kids, ages 6-12. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.