CHRISTMAS FOR ALL: Life after loss

COEUR d’ALENE — A single phone call changed Teri White’s life.

She was living in Florida at the time but didn’t like it much, not compared to the mountains of North Idaho where she’d spent her teen years. One night, as she prepared to make the long, boring drive home from Miami, she called her sisters and friends, looking for someone to chat with on the way.

But it was 9 p.m. in Florida and most of the people Teri called were still at work in Idaho. She scrolled through her contacts, calling each person, until at last she landed on Rick, a man she’d met in an online chatroom. They’d never met in person and didn’t know each other well.

But Rick answered her call. He stayed on the phone with Teri through her long drive and beyond. They talked all night.

“Nonstop,” she told The Press on Friday. “No uncomfortable silences, the both of us talking. We clicked.”

The pair kept talking and fell in love. They met in person for the first time when Rick flew from Colorado to Florida to visit Teri for her birthday.

“We were real and honest with each other on the phone,” she said. “When we met in person, we knew each other.”

A few months later, Rick returned to Florida. They packed up Teri’s belongings, as well as her dog, and drove back to Colorado to be together. They soon moved to Coeur d’Alene, where most of Teri’s family lived, to marry and start their own family.

Teri and Rick raised six children together during their 16-year marriage. The kids are now between the ages of 6 and 16.

“We had this wonderful, beautiful life,” Teri said through tears.

In August 2021, Rick became sick with what he and Teri figured was a head cold. But when his condition didn’t improve for 11 days, they went to the hospital.

“We walked in through the sliding doors and he started to collapse,” Teri said.

Health care providers whisked Rick away for treatment. He tested positive for COVID-19, which had also caused pneumonia, so Teri wasn’t able to stay with him in the hospital. Within a day, he needed intensive care.

While Rick was in the ICU, he and Teri kept in touch as much as possible via text and video call. Then, a week and a half after he was hospitalized, Teri learned her husband needed to be placed on a ventilator. She got to talk to him one last time before he was intubated.

“I don’t even remember what we said but I know the last thing we always said to each other on the phone was ‘I love you,’” she said. “We wanted to say ‘I love you, bye, I love you.’ We were able to say that and they put the ventilator in.”

Two days later, Rick was transferred to a hospital Portland, Ore., for more specialized care. But after two and a half weeks, Rick’s condition didn’t improve. It became clear he wouldn’t survive.

“The pneumonia ran rampant in his lungs and it did so much damage,” Teri said. “There was no way to fix it.”

Teri flew to Portland. She was able to spend several hours with Rick before he was removed from life support.

“I don’t know how much he heard or felt, but we said our goodbyes,” she said. “I got to feel his last heartbeat. It was a hard but beautiful experience.”

Heartbroken, she returned home to her children in Coeur d’Alene. The kids had just gone back to school after summer break and were now facing the loss of their father.

“Life still goes on, even though ours ended,” Teri said. “I wanted the world to stop for just a minute to let us process, but it doesn’t.”

After Rick’s death, Teri’s family and friends rallied around her. She and the kids received meals from people they didn’t even know who had heard about their tragedy.

Teri’s coworkers at the Kootenai County Sheriff’s Office even donated their time off to her so she could stay home with her youngest children as much as possible. Before his death, she and Rick had worked opposite schedules so one of them would always be at home for the kids.

“The community wrapped their arms around my family,” she said. “So much love was poured over my family at that time.”

Though she loved her job as a booking clerk at the jail, Teri knew she needed a higher-paying career in order to provide for her family. She left her job and enrolled at North Idaho College.

“That was hard because the lieutenant at the time was like a big brother to me,” she said. “It was hard to say I need to leave and I need to leave now.”

Teri went back to school with plans of becoming a counselor. But when she took her first class in social work last spring, she realized it was the right path.

Now she’s studying to become a social worker. Having navigated the maze of survivor's benefits and food assistance programs, sought out local resources for support and gotten back on her feet after a life-changing loss, Teri knows she can help people like her.

“I can advocate for people,” she said.

After a recommendation from NIC’s Center for New Directions, which helps displaced homemakers and single parents, Teri connected with Christmas for All. When the family’s only vehicle needed major repairs, Teri paid $200 toward the work and Christmas for All paid the rest.

Teri said she’s grateful for the program and to the community members whose donations make it possible.

“If it wasn’t for them, I would’ve probably had to leave school and I don’t know if I would’ve returned,” she said. “When you can’t get your head above water, you don’t see the hope. You can’t see there’s a possibility to return to school to get my degree to better my family.”

Christmas for All did just that, easing some of Teri’s burden so she could focus on other things.

Since losing Rick, Teri has met other young widows and widowers like her who are raising children after the deaths of their spouses. She hopes to share with them that they aren’t alone and their community will help in their time of need.

“God has a plan,” she said. “God’s going to turn this situation for good. That’s what I have hope for.”

Each year, Press readers generously donate to Press Christmas for All. Every penny raised is distributed to Kootenai County residents. All overhead costs are covered by The Hagadone Corp.

The gift recipients are our neighbors including families with young children, the elderly, people with disabilities, veterans, the homeless and those with mental illness. Many who seek assistance from Christmas for All are working, but unable to make ends meet, especially with the dramatic increase in the cost of living in Kootenai County.

Beneficiaries of Press Christmas for All maintain their dignity while the community provides a hand-up to help get them back on their feet. They are asked to pitch in a little bit toward their award to remind them of their capacity and resourcefulness. The “co-pay” is small and calculated on a sliding scale of income, but ensures these neighbors actively participate in their award. 

Press Christmas for All is managed by The Hagadone Corp. with assistance from Charity Reimagined.Org. Christmas for All is a legally recognized 501(c)(3) nonprofit.

Here are four ways to donate:

• Mail a check to Press Christmas for All, 215 N. Second St., Coeur d'Alene, ID 83814

• Call The Press and make a secure credit card donation over the phone: 208-664-8176

• Visit cdapress.com. Click on Christmas for All and make a secure, online donation.

• Drop off your check at The Press weekdays between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m.: 215 N. Second St. in downtown Coeur d'Alene.

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