CHRISTMAS FOR ALL: Finding hope through darkness

From the depths of despair, "Keeley" has been lifted to rediscover her self worth, her value to society and her footing in this life.

"Three times a week I break down in tears about how much my life has transformed," she said Wednesday in a phone call with The Press.

Her journey has been anything but easy. As a child, she suffered abuse that damaged her in unspeakable ways. Adults she should have been able to trust abused and mentally manipulated her, breaking her spirit and destroying her concept of healthy relationships. She turned to drugs and alcohol at a young age to escape her reality. After years of self-destructive behaviors, her internal voice finally began to scream out.

"Thankfully, that internal self was begging me to face my level of self-destruction, bringing pause," Keeley said.

She found herself sitting in a soccer field, praying for help.

"I was aware I had drug and alcohol abuse issues and I needed help to stop," she said.

Things got worse before they got better. Keeley was raped and impregnated by her attacker. She kept the baby, but soon became entangled in one abusive relationship after another. A marriage to a violent man fell apart, more unhealthy relationships ensued and another baby came along.

Eventually, things slowed down for Keeley. She had an outstanding job, the perfect home and she thought she had finally found her soulmate.

"It was full stability, until it wasn't," she said.

The location where she worked closed. She lost her job and her home, so she had to move in with her boyfriend at the time. She discovered he was a full-blown alcoholic.

"Things between us quickly unraveled," she said. "I moved into the basement of my son's grandparents' house, bunking with my teenage son."

When COVID-19 hit, Keeley sunk into a depression as she was kept from her support system. She then met another man who seemed to be "the one," but he soon proved to be an alcoholic and introduced Keeley to the meth lifestyle, one of paranoia, threats on her life and character, exploitation and other abuse.

She reached out to Safe Passage and changed her phone number, license plates and anything that her most recent abuser could use to identify her. She sought refuge in the violence prevention nonprofit's shelter.

"I reflect back at that woman I had devolved into, the one who was terrified, broken down, crying whenever she spoke, the woman filled with doubt and questioning the value of her life, her worth, every aspect of who she was," Keeley said. "A woman who had barely made her way through her first week of sobriety, a woman who was scared, alone and completely lost."

"This is the same woman who was filled with gratitude to finally have a safe place to fall apart so she could pick up those pieces, creating a mosaic representing a new life and new life choices — health hope and happiness," she said.

Sobriety and counseling helped Keeley see that hope existed and her life could get better. She is now a manager at her job and provides a stable home for herself and her son. When the old tires on her car began to show wear and tear and her car began making a strange noise, she was referred Press Christmas for All through North Idaho College's Center for New Directions program. She was awarded new tires and a thorough inspection to ensure she could safely drive the 25-mile commute to work.

"It has been heaven sent to have that security that my tires are OK and that my vehicle is mechanically sound," she said. "It’s amazing."

Her son is excelling in school, she was proud to say.

"He is prospering," she said. "He's enrolled in the business course, he received business awards, leadership awards. Everything is fantastic. I don’t even have words."

Keeley also reported she just completed a class at NIC, ending with a 97% grade.

"I think that's better than I've ever done in regular school," she said with a laugh.

A laugh, a smile, positivity could all be heard in her voice, as well as gratitude.

"I was really scared, 'What if I do this and I relapse?' but knowing those resources are out there has really been the paradigm shift I've needed to keep going on," she said. "I have friends I’ve made during this process. They’re struggling, they're relapsing, but it drives me to constantly reach out to them to let them know they’re not alone.

"I'm on the other side. I'm still here," she said. "Believe me, I have been down to the darkest darkness and I came out on the other side and they can, too."

Keeley said she is incredibly thankful for Press Christmas for All, as well as the community partners that contribute to how this program changes lives.

"The retailers, the vendors who are contributing in the community, they are a huge necessity in this and I want to make sure they get the credit," she said. "I appreciate everything they do. That is giving back to the community and that’s what this is all about. I think about them all the time."

She wants people to know these resources are out there, as well as hope.

"A lot of times we get caught up in the idea that we don’t have anything available locally and we do," she said. "We have amazing hearts in this city of Coeur d’Alene."

Each year, Press readers generously donate to Press Christmas for All. Every penny raised is distributed to Kootenai County residents. All overhead costs are covered by The Hagadone Corp.

The gift recipients are our neighbors including families with young children, the elderly, people with disabilities, veterans, the homeless and those with mental illness. Many who seek assistance from Christmas for All are working, but unable to make ends meet, especially with the dramatic increase in the cost of living in Kootenai County.

Beneficiaries of Press Christmas for All maintain their dignity while the community provides a hand-up to help get them back on their feet. They are asked to pitch in a little bit toward their award to remind them of their capacity and resourcefulness. The “co-pay” is small and calculated on a sliding scale of income, but ensures these neighbors actively participate in their award. 

Press Christmas for All is managed by The Hagadone Corp. with assistance from Charity Reimagined.Org. Christmas for All is a legally recognized 501(c)(3) nonprofit.

Here are four ways to donate:

• Mail a check to Press Christmas for All, 215 N. Second St., Coeur d'Alene, ID 83814

• Call The Press and make a secure credit card donation over the phone: 208-664-8176

• Visit cdapress.com. Click on Christmas for All and make a secure, online donation.

• Drop off your check at The Press weekdays between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m.: 215 N. Second St. in downtown Coeur d'Alene.

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