The Exhausted Dad: Brace yourself for disappointment

A couple of weeks before her appointment, my oldest daughter began to get excited about braces.

Though she brushes, flosses and will do anything she can to avoid a cavity, she never cared about what her teeth looked like to other people.

Things changed in middle school, when a twerp in her science class teased her about her “crooked” teeth in front of her peers. Nevermind that half the kids in there had either braces or crooked teeth. Some kids will disparage any physical imperfection. If it wasn’t about the teeth, chances are the little turd would have found something else to criticize.

However, from that moment on, my daughter expressed an urgency to begin the braces process. Both her parents had braces in middle school, and she knew these types of things could go on for years, so better to start now than later. Why had we been waiting since deciding she likely needed braces three years ago? Pick an excuse! COVID. Work and school schedules. The money. Oof, the money.

When we finally booked the appointment a few weeks ago, she anticipated the day like a holiday. She wasn’t being naïve. She knew there’d be some discomfort. I think she saw it as a rite of passage of sorts. Like attending her first dance or performing in her first band concert.

When the day finally arrived, the procedure itself went smooth… quick and easy. Thanks to an assist from some pain medication, her only initial complaint was how “funny” the braces felt in her mouth.

Then the meds wore off. Then her jaw started throbbing (you try holding your mouth open for that long!). Then she realized the basic task of eating was about to become far more difficult.

In the first few days, my daughter only consumed liquids and the softest of soft foods… yogurt, pudding, etc. The first time she tried a banana, she looked like a monkey mouthing on the fruit after accidentally swallowing a hallucinogen.

She feared “stuck food.” The orthodontist warned her about sticky, chewy, extra-crunchy foods, and my daughter extended the warning to include 98.5 percent of all foods. I took her to the grocery store to pick out items she wanted to eat (that the other three kids couldn’t touch), and it turned into an aisle-per-aisle marathon of disappointment.

“I can’t eat that.” “I bet that will get stuck in my braces.” “I can’t eat THAT for two years!”

She might as well have been Charlie Brown sulking away from the football field.

After the shopping trip, I offered to get her a McFlurry. She let out a humungous sigh of despair.

“The Oreo part will get stuck in my teeth! Plus it’s cold and my teeth hurt!”

She’s never rejected ice cream in her entire life. Plus, come on, the Oreo bits are basically powder in those McFlurrys.

On Easter, a very insensitive bunny left our kids all sorts of delicious candy… Skittles, Starburst, Twix. Listen, Bugs, I don’t know what you were thinking, but a kid with new braces wants nothing to do with those hard, sticky, chewy, super-delicious treats. Luckily, her parents stocked the house with ice cream and some other more manageable chocolate goodies.

Despite those extra treats, my daughter unleashed her inner Charlie Brown again.

“Starburst were my favorite candies!”

After a few days of adjustments, my daughter ventured into a more realistic diet. Contrary to what she thought at the beginning, she can still chew many types of foods without consequence.

Everything for her right now is just a little bit harder. She’s had some friend trouble at school. The homework keeps getting longer and less fun. She’s required to “participate” in P.E. Now she’s dealing with these stupid braces.

It can be disheartening to see your kid go through normal-but-frustrating challenges. It’s especially hard when you have the privilege of paying thousands of dollars for the very thing that’s currently inconveniencing her life.

But at least Oreos and ice cream are back on the table again. When things get a little bit harder, ice cream can be the great neutralizer.

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Tyler Wilson is freelance writer, full-time student and parent to four kids, ages 5-11. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.