The stay-at-home dad: Stay at home no more

My children abandoned me.

School started for all four of my kids, including my youngest. He went to kindergarten this week, and, yes, I’m an emotional wreck about it.

As someone who loved the “baby” stage of parenthood, I struggled to accept reality each time one of the kids began school.

It’s even worse with the last kid. He’s a young five, so he doesn’t know how to zip up a coat or even distinguish between his left and right foot when putting on shoes. Hmm, maybe he should know those things already. I’ve obviously failed him. Better hold him back another year.

As much as I hate it, the growing up can’t stop, won’t stop. It never stops never stopping (the 2016 movie “Popstar” is super underrated by the way).

I’m not the kind of parent you’ll see crying on the playground on the first day of school as my kid sets out into the world of education. No sir, I’m the kind of parent who holds it in until he gets back to the car, where he can sob in privacy.

So now what? With all four kids in school, can you really qualify someone as a stay-at-home parent? I’d say absolutely if that parent continued with the kid-centric responsibilities of being home: Cleaning, cooking, preparing lunches, household projects, providing transportation to-and-from school and to after-school activities, researching parenting strategies for school-age children, etc.

Hmm, that list seems hard. And look at all those video games I bought over the last 10 years but never had much time to play them…

Ooh, I could write more for the Press. What other columns would you like to see from me? A cooking column? Well, I don’t cook well, and everything I make comes from the freezer aisle of the grocery store.

Politics? Oof, my blood is boiling just thinking about it.

I knew this day was coming. There comes a point for every parent when you aren’t responsible for 24/7 care, and it can be hard to recalibrate an identity after so many years of doing one thing. I’ve been a stay-at-home dad and freelance writer for the last decade. Take one element away and suddenly it doesn’t feel like “enough,” especially when the other parent already provides so much of the financial stability in the home.

And I’ll freely admit something: Our family would be an absolute trainwreck without my wife, a person who has a full-time job and still somehow manages to be a superior and effortlessly supportive full-time parent.

I’m at a transitional point of my life, and it’s terrifying. So let me invite you on the journey, as my struggles might be entertaining to strangers from a distance.

The short of it is I recently started attending graduate school full time. I haven’t been in a classroom since I completed my undergraduate studies in 2006. It’s very different being the “old guy” in a class, but don’t worry, I’m not the type to run my mouth all session long about all my “real-world experience.” I encountered those older students back in the day, and I promised myself I would never become one. We’re all students on the same level, as far as I’m concerned, so I will provide you a gift of me shutting up.

If I’m being honest, I haven’t settled on the end goal just yet. You might see me write a column a few months from now explaining why I bailed on school and decided to become a greeter at Wal-mart. Do they still have greeters post-COVID? I’m a forever convert of grocery pickup and haven’t set foot in that store in almost three years.

Meanwhile, the column will continue to be about parenting and about balancing outside-the-home responsibilities with the still very-full time job at home. In essence, I don’t see much about this column changing, though it definitely requires a new name. Any suggestions?

At first I thought the column could be titled, “The crazy-dad-of-four who tries to stave off a mid-life crisis by making a rash financial commitment that will surely strain his mental health and fracture his relatively steady family relationships.” Doesn’t quite roll off the tongue.

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Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer and parent to four kids, ages 5-11. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.