The stay-at-home dad: The boy who must be served

My 4-year-old son turns 5 next month. He’ll go to kindergarten in the fall. I’m not sure how he’ll make it through the day without his “servants” around to do everything for him.

Babies of the family, under the right circumstances, live a posh life. Not only do their parents fawn over the “last baby,” the kid often ropes loving siblings into doing anything for their adorable baby brother.

Then that baby brother grows up, becoming fully mobile and learning to speak in full sentences. Even with complex motor skills, the “baby” still wants to be hand fed, because holding a spoon is just a hassle, man.

Yes, my boy certainly knows he’s the baby of the house. And he knows the rest of us are so used to doing things for him that we’ll just keep doing them without a second thought.

“Yes, let me help you put on that shoe.”

“I can fill up that water for you.”

“Sure, I can gather the 67 blankets and stuffed animals you scattered all over the house and neatly make your bed for you. In a specific order. Every. Single. Night.”

On the eve of his 5th birthday, however, the visage may be cracking. Perhaps knowing he’s bound for kindergarten in a few short months, the other kids have lost some patience with their brother’s demands. “The boy who must be served” doesn’t appreciate this newfound insolence.

A recurring conversation:

Him (shaking his water cup): “Ugh! Who didn’t fill up my water cup?”

Me: “You don’t need a sibling to refill your water cup. You can do that.”

Him: Ugh! Then I’m going to have to get up!”

Another one:

Him: “Daddy, I’m hungry and (INSERT SIBLING NAME HERE) didn’t get me anything to eat!”

Me: “Did you ask anyone?”

Him: “NO.” (as if it were the dumbest question in the history of the world)

Me: “What did you want to eat?”

Him: “A yogurt tube!”

Me: “You can go get your own yogurt tube.”

Him: “FINE! I’ll stop what I’m doing!”

Lately, I’ve been dangling the kindergarten carrot in an effort to make him be more independent.

Me: “Kindergarten is so fun! But kindergartners put on their own shoes, eat their own food and fill up their own water cups.”

Him (shrugging): “So I’ll do those things at school.”

On top of managing his own basic dietary needs, my son still needs a bit more work with specific forms of physical exertion. Despite bouncing all over the house with “SUPER SPEED,” “HULK SMASH” and “SPIDER POWER,” he continues to show zero progress on any self-propelled vehicle. He just sticks his feet on tricycle or bicycle pedals and expects them to start moving on their own accord.

Actually, I think he believes all bicycles are “sibling powered,” because surely ever since he can remember, the other kids pushed or pulled him around the neighborhood in bikes, wagons, strollers, little red cars, etc. Even now, with the other three kids proficient in non-training-wheel bike riding, my youngest would prefer to be on a bike that’s tied to a sibling’s bike via jump rope than actually attempt to pedal himself.

I don’t know, man, that totum seems much more dangerous than just learning how to move your own legs.

So the work continues. At the moment I can convince him to pedal… for about two minutes at a time.

“Don’t you want to learn how to ride down the sidewalk on your own like your brother and sisters?”

Him: “That’s OK. One of them will carry me.”

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Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer and stay at home dad to four kids, ages 4-10. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.