MLP: Eye halve a spell chequer

Your Mrs. Language Person just hates texting. The faster she goes, the worse it looks. Unrecognizable as English, and she doesn’t mean simply acronyms and SMS speak! (Come on, Readers, that’s not a real thing.)

And… (Shudder; never start a sentence with a conjunction! MLP, you know better.)

And before you say, “use Siri,” you should know, Dear Reader, MLP and Siri are no longer on speaking terms. They don’t even speak the same language, if the results of such conversations are any indication.

What a mess are texts!

So (columnistic conversational license here, beginning with “so”) you can imagine MLP’s feeling of vindication when faithful Reader G. Elroy shared this little poetic tirade. If proof is in the pudding, folks, this is a heavenly chocolate mousse:

“Eye halve a spelling chequer

It came with my pea sea

It plainly marques four my revue

Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word

And weight four it two say

Weather eye am wrong oar write

As soon as a mist ache is maid.

It nose bee fore two long

And eye can put the error rite

Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it

I am shore your pleased two no

Its letter prefect awl the weight

My chequer tolled me sew.”

• Source unknown

Good grief, MLP, let’s just chuck these dang mobile contraptions into the see. Sea.

Mrs. Language Person and Sholeh Patrick are NeoLuddites who write for the Hagadone News Network. Contact them at Sholeh@cdapress.com.