The stay-at-home dad: In celebration of the do-it-all mom

In case these stay-at-home dad columns haven’t made it clear already: I’m hardly the expert when it comes to effective parenting.

In fact, if anything’s gone right, most of the credit should go to my wife. She’s the brains of the operation. She reads research on parenting, listens to relevant, educational podcasts (that aren’t about movies or Minnesota sports teams) and makes a regular effort to get her brain-fogged partner to try new parenting strategies.

On top of that, she works a full-time job, earns the vast majority of our household income and still makes an effort to be what I consider to be the “go-to parent.” Our four kids always want to spend time with Mom, and despite a steady flow of work pressures and various life responsibilities, she makes time for them.

In contrast, I don’t think they’d notice if I was replaced by a dish-washing robot.

Mild self-deprecation aside, I love spending time with my kids, and I like to think that my time as a stay-at-home dad has helped to establish a connection that will endure through those incoming teenage years. My overall satisfaction with the last 10 years of my life should be largely attributed to the support I get from my partner.

Truthfully, I haven’t even been a solo stay-at-home dad the past two years. Since COVID began, my wife has worked 90 percent of her job from home, in a makeshift office (she shared it with the kids during virtual school sessions as well). She’s been here at home, in the weeds, alongside me, serving as a moderator to probably hundreds of kid conflicts and toddler tantrums.

The difference being she had a 40-plus hour job to do at the same time. There’d be times when she rescued me from a parenting crisis in the middle of the day, then had to go back and work into the evening, after the kids go to bed, to continue to be awesome for her job.

Yes, as a writer with a few regular responsibilities (check out the Press’ Live Well Magazine! It’s great!) I teeter between a mix of work and kiddo responsibilities, but it’s nothing compared to the exhausting balancing act my wife attempts on a daily basis. I juggle just enough to know how much better she is at doing so much more.

I don’t want this to read as some Mother’s Day appreciation column to my wife (she probably won’t read it anyway, as she’s had 20 years of hearing “Tyler voice” at this point and must with me).

Instead, I want to emphasize what might be a controversial opinion to some but I nevertheless believe: Culturally speaking, there seems to be greater parenting expectations on mothers. Traditionally, I think mothers (stay-at-home or otherwise) tend to face more scrutiny as parents. Dads, in contrast, sometimes get extra credit just for showing up.

Even in 2022, a dad being out-and-about with four kids prompts a different reaction compared to mothers. Almost without exception, I’ll either get complimented for simply being there for them or told, “I must have my hands full.” In 10 years of being just as much “out there” with the kids, my wife hasn’t had that experience.

Can we blame this phenomenon on outdated gender roles and a long line of high-profile absentee fathers over the years? Probably a little, but that doesn’t mean we can’t give moms the acknowledgement and celebration they truly deserve.

Even if you disagree with my take on the perception of moms and dads, you can make it so Mother’s Day is something much more than a capitalistic opportunity to sell flowers and greeting cards. It can be the jumping off point for a more enduring appreciation of motherhood. It’s hard. And moms deserve much more than what they usually get on a single holiday.

So step it up, kids! That haphazard breakfast in bed just isn’t going to cut it!

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Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer and stay-at-home dad to four kids, ages 4-10. He is tired, but is still more rested than his incredible spouse. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.