The stay-at-home dad: Night owls stick together

Parents marvel at how much their children change and grow over the years, and while of course that’s true, it is equally remarkable how much they also stay the same.

Case in point: My 10-year-old daughter. Once a mouthy insomniac, always a mouthy insomniac.

Full of love and compassion, our oldest child is probably our most “well-behaved” child in terms of conflict, following instructions, and helping to rein in her younger, wilier siblings. But from the beginning of her life, she’s always:

1) Stayed up late at night and

2) Had an acerbic retort for every perceived injustice.

I admit my wife and I probably didn’t know what we were doing in those early days, weeks, months and years of parenthood, and my 10-year-old, unfortunately, suffered the brunt of our inexperience in terms of sleep training. Still, I can’t help but wonder if some of the quirks of her personality are just direct blueprints from my own DNA.

As an infant, she kept odd hours, staying up late at night, sleeping more in the morning hours and absolutely hating to be alone in her own bed.

That meant many nights where my wife and I alternated between holding her and letting her sleep in our arms. I’d have to pace around the house bouncing her gently just to get her to shut her eyes, then it was like a sequence in “Mission: Impossible” trying to sit down without waking her up.

As she got older, she retained the late night schedule. Always up. Never wanting to sleep in her own room. As her language developed, she became an expert in negotiation, and we have videos of her (and her adorable “toddler voice”) making excuses to avoid bedtime.

“I’m not tired, and people don’t go to bed when they’re tired.”

“I won’t go to sleep if you put me to bed so you should just let me stay up.”

“I can play here and you can watch the Alicia show.” (this video originates from my binge watch of “The Good Wife.”)

Over the years, she’s never adjusted to a “normal” kid schedule. These days she stays reading books, writing stories, drawing pictures, etc. She currently shares a room with her 6-year-old sister, and once they finish “chatting” for 45 minutes every night, the 6-year-old falls asleep and my 10-year-old reads, writes and draws with a tiny booklight for sometimes hours more.

Just the other night, she came out of her room at 1 a.m. to warm her heating pad in the microwave. After I took her back to her room and tucked her in, she declared, “I just can’t get comfortable” while she propped her pillow against the wall to angle herself into a sitting position, all while surrounded by nine stuffed animals, a journal and at least four chapter books. Gee, I can’t imagine why you’re uncomfortable…

As much as I want her to get more sleep, I do understand her plight. After all, her dad keeps odd hours, stays up late at night and struggles to fall asleep. And mornings? That’s the best time for sleep, because it feels like you’re getting away with something while the sun is out.

The other core component of her personality, the mouthiness, began at the onset of her stringing sentences together. As much as her argumentative attitude infuriates me, I can’t deny the origins of this behavior either. As my parents can attest, I was a sassy little kid who turned into a sassy adult.

My absolute favorite home videos of my daughter are the ones between the ages of 2 and 5, where she mastered mouthiness while retaining the cute voice. I like to recite two specific clips to her over and over again whenever she starts shooting an attitude for minor complaints.

The first is at the end of a rant she spouts after refusing to sit in time out for some unknown offense:

“I’m not sitting in timeout! You can’t make me sit in timeout! I’m mad at YOU!!!”

The second came after we warned her she might get in trouble if she does some unknown (offscreen) offense.

“I’m not in trouble! YOU’RE IN TROUBLE!”

And she really made me feel like I was in trouble, and it sounds exactly like something I used to say to my mom.

Sorry, mom. You always told me my insomnia and sass mouth would come back to haunt me one day.

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Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer and stay-at-home dad to four kids, ages 4-10. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.