The stay-at-home dad: Taco cat goat cheese pizza

Playing card games with a family full of neurodivergent brains can be unpredictable, thrilling, loud, devastating and often all those things at the same time.

We tried a new, extremely simple game titled, “Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza,” which is recommended for ages 8 and up. Because my wife and I apparently enjoy mayhem, we allowed our 4 and 6-year-old kiddos to play alongside us and our 10 and 8-year-old kids.

Pandemonium from start to finish.

The basics of the game go like this: Everyone takes turns laying down a single card in a pot at the center of the table. While you flip the card, the player must say one of the game title words in order. The first player says “Taco,” the second player says, “Cat,” and so on. When the flipped card matches the spoken word (a Taco card is played when the player says, “Taco”), then everyone rushes to slap the pot of cards. Last person to slap collects the pot. You win by discarding your entire hand.

Three special cards throw the game into chaos — For a Gorilla card, players must beat their chests before slapping the pot. The Narwal card requires the player to make a horn with their hands before slapping, and a Groundhog requires a knock on the table before the slap.

Even with such a simple premise, it can be tough to say the correct word, especially when you’re laying down a card that doesn’t match what you’re supposed to say. My wife and I probably made the most spoken mistakes, because, well, maybe our brains have been broken for more years compared to our kids.

Anyway, “Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza” led to the most giggle fits I’ve ever heard during a single family activity. At one point, we had to stop the game for 10 minutes so everyone could mock me when I knocked my fists against the top of my head for the Groundhog card.

Our 4-year-old played on Mom’s team for about five minutes, slapping the pot on every turn regardless of the card played. Luckily for Mom, he lost interest and brought a few of his Paw Patrol toys to the table. Unfortunately, he decided to play with his very loud Super Pup vehicles, adding blaster noises to the backdrop of an already-loud game.

With that extra noise comes the added likelihood of sensory overload.

My 8-year-old son was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and he just started a medication that we’re still feeling out. I would say he’s been more “in tune” with activities lately, to the point of hyperfocusing on things that interest him. In this case, he took the rules of the game very seriously and constantly demanded that everyone quiet down between turns so he could better focus on his turn. When he got stuck slapping the pot last, he routinely fought back tears.

We’d pause for a little reassurance.

“It’s OK, bud, we all get stuck with the cards sometimes, and it’s just for fun.”

Well, it wasn’t “just for fun” to him. He wanted to conquer “Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza” at all costs.

My two daughters, meanwhile, leaned into their flighty, bubbly personalities, falling into giggle fits any time they missed the card or did the wrong Gorilla/Narwal/Groundhog action. My 6-year-old often gets hiccups from laughing, and EVERYTHING MUST STOP at the immediate onset of hiccups. She hiccuped a little bit of puke one time, three years ago, so she’s made it her life mission to never throw up again.

Eliminating hiccups is an intricate sequence in which she alternates between sipping water, breathing through her nose and holding her breath. It usually takes five minutes and a full cup of water.

I think she drank at least eight cups of water before the game ended. Keep in mind we also had to stop the game for several potty breaks because of the liquid intake.

She cried too, because she’s a 6-year-old playing an 8-years-and-up game. At two different points I couldn’t tell if she was giggling, crying or a combination of both.

My 10-year-old daughter, bless her heart, just stinks with games, sports and anything involving quick physical action or reflexes. Even with Mom and Dad delaying our own slap attempts, she still managed to regularly bring up the rear. At least she just laughed and laughed at her own slapping incompetence.

If she laughs too much, however, she gets real goofy. Before long, she’s bouncing around, standing on her chair and laughing hysterically. She. Can’t. Stop. Her uncontrollable laughter then triggers my 8-year-old son (“It’s too loud!”) and gives the giggles back to my 6-year-old daughter (“I HAVE HICCUPS!!”), all while my 4-year-old shouts, “PAW PATROL, we’re on a ROLL!”).

Meltdowns, noise and all, it was a memorable afternoon of twisted family bonding. I’ve also been repeating the words, “Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza” in my head over and over again for six days straight.

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Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer and stay-at-home dad to four kids, ages 4-10. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.