The exhausted dad: Planning ahead for being 6 in 2023

My 5-year-old son couldn’t wait for Christmas to be over.

Though he enjoyed the holiday as any kindergartner would, my son recently became obsessed with his birthday… which is in June.

Since early December, pretty much the only thing he talks about is his birthday. A couple of his friends from school celebrated their birthdays over the past few weeks, so I think he wants in on that solo recognition.

Here’s an exchange from the beginning of the month:

Him: “Dad, for my birthday, I want a Black Panther toy.”

Me: “You can ask for that for Christmas, which will be here much sooner.”

Him (pausing for a few seconds): “Ok, but I could also get one on my BIRTHDAY!”

To be fair to him, I don’t think he fully understands how the calendar works outside of a single month. If it’s not on the month’s calendar, then everything else gets categorized as “next month.”

Him: “Dad, is it going to be spring after Christmas break?”

Me: “No, buddy, there’s going to be at least two more months of cold weather before spring.”

Him: “Yeah, but after winter, it’s spring, then after spring, it’s my BIRTHDAY!”

Me: “Christmas is tomorrow, buddy!”

Him: Yeah, and then, next month or year, it’s going to be my BIRTHDAY!”

Just before Christmas, we asked the kids what desserts they wanted as to add to the grocery order. The other three kids offered the usual assortment of cookies, cereal and cinnamon rolls, and I made sure we included an apple pie.

Him: “Ooh, Dad, I’m going to have apple pie on my BIRTHDAY!”

Me: That’s great, buddy. We’re also going to have some apple pie this week.”

Him: Yeah, but then also, on my BIRTHDAY!”

I’m pretty sure he doesn’t actually like apple pie.

For all that he talks about it, the kid has a reasonable list of birthday requests. He wants the pie and some cake, which he also rarely enjoys. He wants a couple of random action figures, and he wants his friends from school to either come over or go to the park for a party.

Then he randomly requested a “Yes Day” on his birthday. That’s where a parent, within reason, can’t say no to anything for the entire day. I won’t commit to such nonsense, obviously, but I did ask him about the kinds of things he’d want to do on his Yes Day:

Him: “Ooh, first we’ll go to McDonald’s and get breakfast. Then, later we’ll go to McDonald’s and get a Happy Meal. And then, we’ll have my party, we’ll eat dessert, then, when I’m tired, I’ll go to bed.”

Again, all very reasonable. Somehow I think “Fly to Disneyland” might make the list if we actually greenlit the Yes Day.

On Christmas Night, I sang to him “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town,’ only I changed the lyrics to “Santa Claus will come back, next year!”

Him: “Wait, what? Santa is coming back next year!?”

Me: “Yeah, next Christmas. A year from today. Christmas 2023.”

Him: “Ooh, and I’ll still get to go to kindergarten! In 2023!”

Me: “Well, you’ll go to kindergarten after break, but then at Christmas next year, you’ll be in first grade!”

Him: “Oh yeah, and I’ll have two BIRTHDAYS!”

My New Year’s Resolution: Teach my son how to understand the calendar. Or maybe I’ll spare the headache and just give him two birthdays.

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Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer, full-time student and parent to four kids, ages 5-11. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.