The exhausted dad: ‘Twas the night of cold singing and no sleeping
The Exhausted Dad
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, and all through the Wilson house, nothing is ready for tomorrow and I’m too tired to make this rhyme.
Kids make Christmas magical. No doubt about it. Watching children open presents can be a deeply satisfying experience for parents, especially when you watch them open something that they really, really wanted.
Even not-so-exciting gifts can be fun. Stick a Hot Wheel car or LOL Surprise doll into a wrapped pair of socks on one Christmas, and your kids will be excited about every plushy, sock-feeling present every Christmas after. Then whenever they open a pair of socks without a toy inside, you get to enjoy their “I’m thankful-but-irritated face,” which can be just as magical.
To get to the present-opening fun, parents must commit many hours prior to Christmas Morning. Food must be purchased and prepared. Presents must be wrapped. If that last roll of tape doesn’t last, Dad throws the rest in an old grocery bag.
My wife and I usually plan well ahead to make sure we can go to sleep for a few hours on Christmas Eve. As of this writing, we’ve fallen behind. My wife led a time-consuming project at work this December. I just finished my first Finals Week in school since my senior year as an undergrad 20 years ago. My brain is so fried I can barely remember the words to “Jingle Bells,” let alone which random Barbie doll my daughter wants this year.
To get it all done in time, I need a super-sized megadose pile of pure Christmas Cheer. I thought I’d get just that at my youngest daughter’s Christmas concert a few days ago. I couldn’t wait to hear the sweet little second-graders sing some beautiful carols…
Nah, just kidding. As one of the more antisocial people living on this planet, I desperately wanted to skip it. I don’t have time for such forced socialization! Can’t she just sing the songs at home by herself while I put together the online grocery order?
For one thing, the school held the concert outside… for “magical wintery” reasons. Fine! It’s cold and flu season anyway. But it was real cold that night. And icy. And my other kids, of course, insisted on wearing improper shoes for the conditions. And, us being the Wilsons, were not there early enough to snag a prime spot to watch the performance.
A crowd of other parents hovered around the risers to watch their precious little angels cough and sneeze through some holiday classics (no seating). It’s never good to be late for such things when you can’t clear 6 feet on your tippy toes.
I couldn’t see a thing! Must that 6-foot-5 guy stand in the first row wearing a giant cowboy hat? Who wears a cowboy hat to a Christmas concert? Dolly Parton, Clint Eastwood and nobody else, I say!
Luckily, I held my phone over my head and somehow managed to record my daughter singing so I could watch it later. It’s 50 percent my daughter singing, 50 percent Cowboy Hat. Not bad. The concert lasted about five minutes total, and we spent four times that trying to safely exit the parking lot.
In case you can’t tell, I didn’t get the megadose of Christmas cheer that I so desperately needed. So much more festive work to do before the big day. Without Christmas cheer, Dad might give up and drink a beer. There’s your holiday rhyme!
Then my sweet daughter, still feeling merry and bright about her big singing debut, gave me a handmade Christmas card. On the front: A picture of her standing next to the Christmas tree smiling next to Mom and Dad (her siblings hilariously absent). Inside the card, she wrote out all the words to “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.”
Did all the repetitive words give a “Shining” vibe? Sure. But it did warm my heart just enough to go hunting through the junk drawer for tape and scissors. All work and no play makes me a dull Dad, but at least I’m motivated enough to get the presents wrapped before 4 a.m. tonight.
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Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer, full-time student and parent to four kids, ages 5-11. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.