TITANIC TOWER COMING TO CDA

COEUR d'ALENE — Lovers of superstructures are getting a big wish granted this year.

A 120-story skyscraper will soon grace the shoreline in downtown Coeur d’Alene.

The Press has learned that construction of the structure, roughly six times higher than the Coeur d’Alene Resort, will begin today where the Third Street boat launch now sits. The property is immediately east of The Resort, next to Tubbs Hill and McEuen Park.

“Locals just can’t get enough of high rises around here,” said Victor E. Kruschev, project principal and developer. “This baby will really make people proud, even though they’re losing the most popular boat launch in North Idaho.”

According to Kruschev, the project will cost $1.6 billion, “a bargain price with almost too many benefits to count.”

“First, it’s being financed completely by Uncle Sam,” he said. “The entire budget is coming from the ARPA funds distributed to local cities and the county. To get that money, we had to include some workforce housing, and I’m proud to say we’re dedicating two whole underground parking spaces for workforce housing tents.”

Kruschev said the 480 suites in the skyscraper are being divided between four groups, with every unit already reserved by contract:

*American Communist Party national headquarters, 200 suites

*Black Lives Matter national headquarters, 150 suites

*Antifa national headquarters, 120 suites

*Millionaires/billionaires, 10 suites

“With an estimated 15,000 executives and administrators from these outstanding organizations moving to Kootenai County, paradise is only going to get sweeter,” Kruschev said.

Kruschev said he’d be “shocked” if the project isn’t overwhelmingly embraced by the community. However, a 1-800 number will be accepting public comment until 9 a.m. today. That number is