Turkey types on the real estate market

Look at enough homes for sale, and chances are good you’ll come across a few turkeys.

Neighborhood of the Week usually spotlights idyllic neighborhoods and captivating properties. Honestly, we should be thankful to have so many great places to live in North Idaho.

But this week we’re talking about those trashy houses, and we’re NAMING NAMES!

Just kidding. That’d be needlessly mean. We can, however, categorize the various types of turkeys that buyers encounter while hunting for a new home. If you’re thinking about selling your house, definitely make sure you’re not one of these types of bad real estate listings.

The chunky, clutter-filled turkey

Staging is an important component of maximizing your home’s potential on the market. A clean, welcoming home with warm and elegant decor tends to attract more eyeballs, and the more people view the property and like what they see, the better chance for strong, competitive offers.

Not all homes need to be professionally staged, of course, but some turkeys are in desperate need of intervention. Clutter on the countertops. Toys and dirty clothes all over the floor. Stacks of newspapers in the corner (and in the listing photos no less!).

Bottom line, some homes hit the market with too much of their current occupant’s messy personalities on display. You’re selling your house, not trying to lure a desperate-for-work housekeeper.

The several-days-old leftover turkey

Ever walk into a beautiful listing that checks all the boxes … but just smells off? Like there’s a dead animal stuck in the wall? It happens more often than you think, particularly for people who own multiple large animals.

That urine smell can be hard to get out of the carpets. Your cat’s litter box might need more attention than you realize. Animal owners forget sometimes that the smells they no longer notice are extremely apparent to people who aren’t used to them.

The perfumed leftover turkey

A cousin of the last category — this is a home you walk into that smells too much like stain-and-odor removing chemicals. One time I walked into an open house that literally smelled like a Febreze truck crashed through it. Gee, it might’ve had something to do with those four large kennels lined up along the master bedroom wall.

The ghost turkey

A home you walk into that has a really weird vibe. Something just doesn’t feel right. The basement seems creepy. The owner refused to leave during the viewing and is standing in the corner in the dark, holding a butcher knife. It’s a House of the Damned, and you need to get out fast.

The organic, open range turkey you can never afford

Most buyers understand their own budget, but almost everyone still wants to go check out that fancy house that costs way, way, way more than you can possibly afford. Sure, you get to taste it for a few minutes, but the full meal simply costs too much. It’s maybe the worst kind of turkey, because it’s so good and you’ll never get the chance for the full experience.

The regular turkey that claims to be an organic, open range turkey

By far the most common turkey on the real estate market — a home that costs more than it should. You know what the price should be. Your Realtor knows what the price should be. The seller’s Realtor knows what the price should be. But it’s like $50,000 more than that. Get real, average turkey, you’re not 20-30 percent better than the rest of your neighborhood. And don’t give me that corner lot, “oversized garage,” or “mostly finished basement” nonsense either.

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Let us know about more standout neighborhoods and developments that we may feature in an upcoming Neighborhood of the Week. Contact Tyler Wilson at twilson@cdapress.com.