The stay-at-home dad: Two quintessential minutes with my 6-year-old

My 6-year-old daughter is what some might call EXTRA.

She attacks everything with gusto. She goes big and bold. And she doesn’t care what anyone else thinks about it.

It’s a source of constant entertainment in our house, at least to me. I think her three siblings find it a bit exhausting.

On multiple occasions my 10-year-old has said about her sister: “She. Just. Won’t Stop.”

Can’t stop, won’t stop. She’s the subtitle of the Andy Samberg movie “Popstar” — She Never Stops Never Stopping.

I recently captured a video of my 6-year-old being her most HER. It’s a couple minutes that essentially represents her approach to life.

I’ll describe the two minutes, but first some necessary context:

My daughter approaches her morning and bedtime jobs with rigorous aplomb (my other kids definitely don’t). Teeth brushing is serious business, and she doesn’t like it when anyone interrupts the process. She must splash the toothbrush with water a certain way, and don’t even think about taking the toothpaste tube before her.

Teeth brushing culminates every night with a job exclusive to her. She gargles water in the back of her throat. Aggressively. When we told her one time that her breath stunk after she brushed, she was horrified. We told her gargling water would help, so now she gargles water for two full minutes after each teeth-brushing regimen.

This is just one example of how her bedtime jobs stretch on much longer than the other kids. The other kids take no more than 10 minutes to prepare for bed. She takes at least 30 minutes.

Anyway, the other thing you need to know about her — she LOVES dance music, and she especially loves to memorize lyrics and dance moves. Look, “Roar” by Katy Perry is a good song, but it loses its luster after you hear a 6-year-old perform it 85 times a day for the better part of a summer.

A couple hours before I shot the video in question, she spent an hour or so on the computer watching a routine for a Kidz Bop song called “Make Some Noise.” I prefer that she learn not-Kidz Bop songs (for my own sanity) but whatever. She likes it, and I appreciate her commitment to studying this random internet routine for a generic kid-tailored dance song.

Now onto the video I captured, which she didn’t know I was recording from around the corner of the kitchen:

She’s standing at the kitchen sink, having just finished brushing her teeth. She grabs her cup.

“Five! Four! Three! Two! One!” she yells. Then she takes a big swig of water.

“ARGGGGAGGAGGGGGGGAGGGGGGGGGGARRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGARGGG!” That’s her gargling, and I’m pretty sure even the neighbors across the street can hear it every night.

After 20 seconds, she spits all over the dinner dishes in the sink.

“Five! Four! Three! Two! One!” she yells, then sings, “I feel like TURNING IT UP! BREAKING IT DOWN!”

She sips her water.

“ARGGAGGGAGAGGGGAGAGGAGGGGGGGAAAARGGRGGGGGGAGGG!”

Spits.

“Five! Four! Three! Two! One! I feel like TURNING IT UP. BREAKING IT DOWN!”

She does a complete spin on the narrow step-stool she’s standing on at the sink. She raises her hands over her head while humming the tune. Then she grabs her water and takes another big sip.

“ARGGGGGAGGGGAARRRGGGAGGGGGGGARRGGGGGGGG!”

Triple spit.

She jumps off the stool. Three spins.

“Five! Four! Three! Two! One! I feel like TURNING IT UP! BREAKING IT DOWN!”

She jumps.

“JUMP ON MY FEET, DON’T TOUCH THE GROUND!”

She runs to the stairs, bounces down each while humming, then encounters her two brothers.

“Jump on my feet, don’t touch the ground!”

She grabs her younger brother by the shoulder.

“You got a VOICE! You got a CHOICE!”

She lets her 4-year-old brother go, spins and does a roundhouse kick in the air in front of him.

“Come on GET LOUD, LET’S MAKE SOME NOISE!”

Her brother stands there stone-faced. This bothers her.

“It’s a song, you little boy-boy!” she says curtly.

Then she spins, jumps and does it all for him again.

“Five! Four! Three! Two! One! I feel like TURNING IT UP! BREAKING IT DOWN! Jump on my feet, don’t touch the ground!”

Her brother runs away. She’s unfazed.

“YOU GOT A VOICE, YOU GOT A CHOICE! COME ON GET LOUD! LET’S MAKE SOME NOISE!”

I stopped recording. But she continued on for at least another 30 minutes, including in the bathroom (where she regularly sits on the toilet for 20 minutes after she’s gone pee). Good acoustics in there, apparently.

“Five! Four! Three! Two! One!”

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Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer and stay-at-home dad to four kids, ages 4-10. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.