Creating community

COEUR d’ALENE — Something incredible happens when people are together.

We're social creatures who belong together. Even the most introverted among us benefit from time with others. It's healthy for the mind, heart and spirit. It reminds us who we are and why we're here.

A keen student of life and human behavior, photographer Adam Schluter is harnessing this magic in the form of his Monday Night Dinners, which I am so happy I attended Monday evening.

Schluter opens his home and his heart to one and all. It's the exemplification of William Butler Yeats' phrase, "There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven't yet met."

Literally everyone is welcome. Funny idea, right? In a society so divided by politics, religion, vaccines and everything else under the sun, who would think that people of all ages and walks of life would have much in common?

Well, they do.

"Every single person is invited,” Schluter said. "There's so much isolation right now. The coolest thing is, we have 10-plus people out here who really struggle with making relationships, from a very introverted side, very isolated."

Monday Night Dinners began in 2018. Schluter, not knowing many people when he moved to Coeur d'Alene, took the bold leap to invite complete strangers to his house to enjoy a meal and simply get to know one another.

"Vulnerability is what makes all this possible,” he said. “When I started this, I remember sitting at my computer and really looking at the invite and thinking, ‘This is so stupid, Monday Night Dinner, who’s coming out on Monday?’ Just having all these strangers I just met, grocery clerks and bank tellers and whatever, just come to a dinner?”

He sent it into the universe anyway and went to bed. The next morning, terrified, he looked at the social media invite and found that four people planned to attend. The day of the first gathering, 11 people showed up.

"I know it’s hard. All you got to do is show up," Schluter said. "You don’t have to talk to anybody. You can sit by yourself. That’s what is really cool, no one will bother you. Lots of people just sit by themselves. Maybe just drive your car here and hear the music.”

The only rules are no politics, no business, nothing divisive and really, no technology. Usually there’s a bucket with a sign that reads, “For maximum enjoyment, put your phone in here.”

"You’ll rarely see a phone out here, if ever," Schluter said. "This is connection in the purest sense of the word."

Everyone contributes something, whether it's a homemade side dish, a six-pack of beer or some cash to support the local musician(s) providing the entertainment.

“It gives people a sense of fulfillment to be a part of something," Schluter said. "I want everyone to feel like they’re just as crucial to this as I am. This isn’t about me at all."

It is terrifying for some people to just go somewhere when you don't know anyone. But for social butterflies, and nosy reporters, it's a gift.

“I think it’s awesome," Tasheena Abeyta of Coeur d'Alene said. "I really like how it opens up the opportunity for you to meet your neighbors, people in your community. I have met people that have lived here their whole life, and I’ve lived here most of my adult life, so it’s kind of like one of those things."

Abeyta, a lovely local socialite, first attended in 2019.

“It encourages you to get out of your comfort zone. I think that’s really a challenge for some of us,” she said. "The first time we came here, we didn’t know a single person. We knew Adam and that was it. Then you see one person you know, you feel a little more comfortable. At some point at the end of the evening, everybody’s just chatting up before you know it, and you start seeing those faces and it rolls on from there."

Monday Night Dinners were named for the weekly meal Schluter's family has enjoyed together for at least a decade. His family, which lives in St. Louis, has made a few appearances at the Coeur d'Alene events.

That's a key word in all of this: family. The more someone attends these gatherings, the closer their connections become.

"I make it a point that everyone’s there to listen, to connect and to communicate," Schluter said. “Part of that connection is, ask for help when you need it, and give help when it’s asked of you."

The souls who gather here celebrate as a family, and grieve as a family.

Schluter shared that one of the earliest attendees who never missed a gathering sadly took his own life in 2019.

“He goes to go home. He’s right on the side of the stairs here and he says, ‘Adam, don’t ever stop loving.’ I was like, ‘What do you mean?’ and he’s like ‘Don’t ever stop loving, you’re so full of love. Don’t ever stop loving,’” Adam said.

He gave him a big hug and told him of course, he’d never stop loving.

“The next night he committed suicide,” Schluter said. "That was the last thing he ever told me, and the last thing he did was come to Monday Night Dinner.”

At the next dinner, Schluter gave a speech and said, “We are not going to break apart in this, we’re such a close family, we’re grieving, we’re reeling. I’ve been through this, and we’re not going to break apart. Not this. We’re going to grow closer and check in on each other."

"And it’s grown ever since," he said.

Schluter's objective is simple — to build community.

“It's not just this. I want you guys to get coffee tomorrow or get a beer on Thursdays. When you leave, continue this," he said. "I want people to do the same thing. What I do is nothing special. The more people that do this, the closer the world gets."

In some subcultures, especially those involving festivals and music, the concept of PLUR (peace, love, unity, respect) is embraced and practiced. No judging. No fighting. No hating. Just simple acceptance, appreciation and celebration of those around you. There is so much joy in making friends, hearing new stories and opening yourself up to new experiences. It can be scary, but it's worth it.

I know I'll be back to the Monday Night Dinner. I have to re-match my new friend Dave at ping pong and get in on the bubble-making action to show off my bubble wand skills.

Maybe I'll see you there.

Oh and hey, Adam, thank you for this gift.

Email Schluter at adam@thelightcastproject.com for details.