Blasts from the (not so nasty) past
Usually, for my New Year’s column, I compile a list of favorite Huckleberries from the previous year.
But who wants to remember crummy 2020?
Instead, I browsed through my old Huckleberries columns, published in The Spokesman-Review in the mid-1990s. Some of you know that I wrote this column for the SR for 35 years before switching to the Coeur d’Alene Press last spring.
For today’s column, I selected items that should resonate today.
One of my personal favorites was aired on Jan. 25, 1993, and involved my daughter, Amy, who’d just turned 7. (She’ll be 35 years old this month.) It was a Monday morning. Of course. I was trying to ignore the alarm clock when Amy entered my bedroom. Dramatically, she handed me the following note:
“The tolit is chlogt. We need you to try to fish it.”
If that doesn’t make you smile, maybe some of these Huckleberries from the 1990s will:
McHugh’s miscue (9/8/97)
Jerry Ryen, Coeur d’Alene Parks Department employee and softball umpire extraordinaire, saved Barry McHugh from a month of Sundays sleeping on the couch. Seems Barry, a deputy for the Idaho attorney general’s office, left a little something behind after a recent softball game at Memorial Field. His wedding ring. Panicking, McHugh called Parks Director Steve Anthony, who sent Ryen in search of the ring. It had fallen through a crack in the grandstands. Ryen found it after scouring the spooky maze beneath the wooden bleachers. As for Barry? He was given a second chance to live happily ever after.
Floor show (1/8/96)
Let’s say you’re at the packed Cedars Floating Restaurant on New Year’s Eve and some guy keels over. He’s on his back, not moving and blocking your route to the salad bar. You’re starved. Meanwhile, the waitress says she can’t place your order until you visit the salad bar. What would Amy Vanderbilt do? Who cares? A young mother who hadn’t been on a date with her husband away from the kids for eons opted for Thousand Island over etiquette. Rather than step over the prone man – who later tossed his cookies – she cut through the kitchen to the salad bar. Later, an old-timer on a respirator blew a hose. The loud hiss brought would-be rescuers running again. The young couple simply paid their $55 bill – after making sure they hadn’t been charged for entertainment.
Wrong Elway (8/14/95)
Pauline Anderson doesn’t follow football – though Seattle Seahawks quarterback John Friesz once worked as a dishwasher for her at Franklin’s Hoagies. Pauline wouldn’t know buck-toothed John Elway from Mr. Ed, the talking bronco. Still, while dining at The Cedars recently, she got excited when a friend whispered, “You’ll never guess who’s here – John Elway!” (As she related the tale, Pauline asked, “Is it Elway or Elwood?”) Instantly, Pauline wanted a famous person’s autograph for her restaurant wall. So, she went over “to the guy in the purple shirt” and asked for his autograph. He was pleased to oblige, but there was a problem. He wasn’t Elway. The Denver QB was sitting at the next table, also wearing a purple shirt. A lighter shade than Pauline’s face.
Burger maximus (11/23/98)
Steve Hudson was at the grill Wednesday when a Long-haired Friend of Jesus entered Hudson’s Hamburgers and asked for a one-pounder. Stunned, Steve explained the renowned Huddieburgers are about a fourth that size. So, the LHFOJ ordered four burgers – to be served between a bun, one atop the other, with only Hudson’s traditional pinch of salt. No onions. Or pickles. Or catsup. Then, as Steve and customers watched, the stranger grabbed the burger with both hands, squeezed it, and gorged. Steve, whose family has been serving burgers in the Lake City since Teddy Roosevelt’s second term, had never seen anything like it. Now, that’s what you call having it your way.
Condom alert (6/7/93)
A man in town for the monster truck show at the fairgrounds was desperate when he telephoned the front desk of Coeur d’Alene’s Holiday Inn. He wanted a condom. Pronto. But the receptionist laughed and suggested a store nearby. “I don’t have that kind of time!” blurted the caller, who was just following directions. After all, didn’t the sign in his well-appointed bathroom promise the hotel will provide guests with any supplies left at home?
Booby prize (9/11/95)
During a recent flight from Sacramento, Calif., to Spokane, a Sandpoint woman and her African-American seatmate struck up a conversation. When she mentioned her hometown, he said, “I hear you have the KKK over there.” Yes, she responded proudly, “Whoever catches the biggest one gets the prize.” Of course, she was talking about the annual K&K (Kokanee and Kamloops) fishing derby and couldn’t understand the stranger’s startled expression.
Bucked off (6/17/96)
Everyone knows Kootenai County Sheriff Pierce Clegg got banged up recently when he was tossed by a gelding. He suffered facial bruises and lacerations, a sprained wrist, two broken ribs, and a huge bruise from his knees upward. But did you know that he was out riding with his wife at the time so she could exercise her horse – a mare heavy with foal? Last Wednesday, the mare delivered the black filly with white stockings. Meanwhile, Pierce has been in no hurry or shape to climb back aboard his horse – a brown “tornado” ignobly named “Jerome.”
Boat overboard (6/3/96)
The S.O.S. sounded desperate. The Spokane River’s current was pushing a boat toward the overflowing Washington Water Power dam. Frantic marine deputies responded, hoping no one would be swept through the flood gates. Three members of a family died that way seven years ago. As deputies rushed to Post Falls, they pleaded with their dispatchers for more info on the boat’s location. They didn’t realize – ere they arrived on the river’s bank – that all the fuss was over a (drum roll, please) model boat. Its owner wanted help retrieving his pricy toy. At that point, KCSO’s finest couldn’t help smiling as they watched the boy toy plunge to its Waterloo.
Older escort (10/16/94)
Randy Smith, 52 and father of seven, subbed as an escort for his son, Sid, during halftime of the Coeur d’Alene High Homecoming Game against Sandpoint. Sid was in the locker room with his Vik teammates, while Randy, queen candidate Gretchen Hammarberg, and other royalty rode around the football field in convertibles. As they passed the Sandpoint rooters on the far side, a smart aleck ruined the mood by shouting: “Gee, that guy looks kind of old to be in high school.”
Scully sightings (8/11/97)
What are the chances of meeting legendary Los Angeles Dodgers announcer Vin Scully twice in three days in locations 1,200 miles apart? Well, North Idaho College instructor Nils Rosdahl beat the odds Aug. 1-3. First, Nils spied the famous broadcaster in the lobby of Chicago’s Hyatt Regency Hotel. Nils was attending a journalism instructors conference; Scully was checking out the hotel for a vacation after game one of a four-game set between the Dodgers and Cubs. Two days later, Kootenai Medical Foundation director Jim Faucher excitedly pointed Scully out to Nils – after Mass in Coeur d’Alene’s St. Pius X Catholic Church, of all places. And should you happen upon him? Nils suggests you call him “Vin” and not “Mr. Scully.”
Treading lightly (6/16/97)
Greg Casey, the U.S. Senate sergeant-at-arms and brother of Coeur d’Alene High Principal Steve Casey, has one unique power. If push comes to shove, he has the authority to arrest the president of the United States. (That’s Bill Clinton for local Republicans who are trying to forget.) During a conference call to Coeur d’Alene High honor students last week, Greg was asked how he’d go about arresting the commander-in-chief. Replied Greg: “Carefully.”
Superhero visits (2/28/94)
Ponderosa Elementary School kindergartners were buzzing with excitement as ex-Super Bowl quarterback Mark Rypien entered the room, escorted by DARE officer Peter Marion. The youngsters were hard to control. Seizing the moment, Post Falls schoolmarm Mary Rohlman asked, “Children, do you know who this is?” They sure did. In unison they shouted, “It’s Officer Pete!” Seems the popular DARE officer rarely has time to visit the lower grades. So, the children have superstars in their eyes when he does.
• • •
You can contact D.F. “Dave” Oliveria at dfo@cdapress.com.
