Flowers always thaw frozen hearts
You should know two things about Dave Wagner before we begin today.
Dave enjoys a practical joke. And his nurse wife, Mary, is kind, cheerful, and long-suffering.
Now, onward.
For 33 years, Mary Wagner has tended the sick at Kootenai Health. The job can be stressful during ordinary times. And we know that the last 12 months have been anything but normal.
Dave has been concerned for Mary and other essential workers facing today’s challenges.
So, he developed his own “North Idaho Home Cardiac Stress Test.” No need to wait for months to see a cardiologist. No battery of tests. No masks. No social distancing. Just a snow shovel.
On Mary’s 57th birthday Friday, Feb. 19, Dave tested his experimental device.
Mary was in the shower as Dave approached stealthily. He was carrying a shovel loaded with dry snow. He lifted the business end of the shovel above the curtain rod. And, with a twist of his wrists, dropped the snow on his kind and cheerful — and unsuspecting — wife of 33 years.
Bedlam ensued.
“Oh my,” Dave said, “she screamed, whooped, and hollered at what I could only assume was blissful joy as I was unable to see her face. However, I was incorrect. As it turns out, she was greatly annoyed that I had caused her such displeasure.”
Dave declared his stress test to be successful.
“She passed with flying colors, mostly red and various shades of pink,” he said.
Believe it or not, Dave passed with flying colors, too. Later, at work, Mary received a giant purple vase jammed with white asters, roses, and gladiolas, purple tulips, purple and pink filler, and green ferns.
The giant arrangement wowed the help at Kootenai Health who had fielded beaucoup bouquets for hospital patients on Valentine’s Day. And, more importantly, the gesture dazzled Mary.
And we’ve reached that point in this tale that a caution is in order: Don’t try this at home.
Special hideaway
“Unhurried and gentle” aren’t the words you’d use today to describe Coeur d’Alene, now that our roads, water and beaches are jammed by huddled masses yearning to escape urban areas. But that’s how the Los Angeles Times travel section once depicted us, along with the high praise: “one of America’s special hideaways.” In October 1995, Coeur d’Alene had been dubbed the 7th Best Retirement Haven in the nation in a Century 21 survey, attracting the Times' attention. Back then, the natives were thrilled to be noticed by the elite media. Not so much now. In response to the Times story, Hap Hilbish, the late Coeur d’Alene Realtor, told the Press: “We get an awful lot of people who read things of that nature and then get in touch with us to buy.” We should have built a fence around this place when we had the chance.
Huckleberries
• Poet’s Corner: Abracadabra/and hocus-pocus —/poof! There’s a snowdrop,/presto! A crocus — The Bard of Sherman Avenue (“February Magic”).
• What would you order for a last meal? Kris Helstrom of Coeur d’Alene didn’t hesitate Sunday. She asked for strawberry-and-cream crepes. Of course, we’re talking about a last treat at Coeur d’Alene IHOP. No one made Kris’ special crepe better. “They WERE delicious,” Kris told Huckleberries, with a sad emphasis on the past tense verb. The local IHOP closed Sunday.
• Charlotte Mitchell, of Athol, hadn’t lost her mind when she braved single digits this month to put Vaseline on the combs of her chickens. It helps prevent frostbite. Charlotte’s hands were so cold afterward they hurt. But Charlotte simply shrugged: “Gotta take care of my little darlins.”
• And the answer is — sore arm and headache. And sore arm and fatigue. The question? How did Mrs. O and I feel after getting our second COVID vaccinations? And, of course, relieved.
• The message on the T-shirt worn by 17-year-old Neisha Farmer of Coeur d’Alene was sweet: “Daddy’s Little Lady.” And the message on her father Daniel’s T-shirt added context for any teen boys nearby: “Yes, I do have a beautiful daughter; I also have a gun, a shovel, and an alibi.”
Parting Shot
The Scroogelike variant of Republican that inhabits these parts should use spellcheck before circulating anti-education propaganda. In material opposing crucial school levies in Coeur d’Alene, Post Falls, and Lakeland, the Kootenai County GOP warns that the “supplimental” levy will pass if there is low voter turnout. Who needs “skools” anyway?
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D.F. “Dave” Oliveria can be contacted at dfo@cdapress.com
