THE CHEAP SEATS with STEVE CAMERON: Dolphins latest team to become Seahawked

Playing the Seahawks must be so…

Frustrating?

Annoying?

Maddening?

All of the above?

Let’s say you’re a fast and talented young Miami team, improving by the week, with veteran quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick to hold the kids together until wonderchild Tua Tagavailoa is ready to take the reins.

You’ve got Seattle at home, a team making the longest trip in the NFL, and coming to the unfamiliar steam-bath climate of south Florida.

Not only that, but the Seahawks have been taking heavy casualties, especially on defense — with five starters and three backups from opening day missing for this trip.

You have to think…

”Hey, we can do some business against these guys. There are sandlot teams around Miami with better secondaries than this patched-up Seattle gang.

“We’re going to find all kinds of open grass.”

Meanwhile, the Miami defense line looks at tape, and there’s unanimous belief that Russell Wilson can be flattened a half-dozen times.

If they were talking to bettors this week, the Dolphins would say: “Take us and the points.”

AH, BUT like so many other opponents — four and counting this season so far — the Dolphins did plenty right against the wounded Seahawks, and still walked off muttering.

They lost 31-23, and when they see the game tape, they’ll curse and scowl, because…

There were so many nightmarish events.

Consider…

On Miami’s first possession, a Fitzpatrick pass is tipped into the air by Cody Barton, who is playing rush linebacker in place of the injured Bruce Irvin AND Jordyn Brooks.

Fitz’s throw could fall incomplete on those acres of empty turf, which really seems likely, but…

No, it’s hauled in by Seattle’s Ryan Neal, who is playing safety in place of the injured Jamal Adams AND Lano Hill.

Six plays, 57 yards and 2:52 later, Chris Carson is bullying in for a touchdown and you’re down 7-0.

Even with your youthful enthusiasm and Fitzpatrick’s ability to find space in the Seahawks’ soft-as-cotton zone defense, you might consider how these first five minutes have played out and wonder…

Do the Hawks just have something special — even spooky — about them that’s going to make your whole afternoon an exercise in futility?

If you didn’t understand then that you were doomed, how about when your offense patches together a 10-play drive that leads to a field goal, cutting Seattle’s lead to 10-9 with 24 seconds left in the first half?

Most teams would take a knee in that spot, but again…

No!

Wilson completes four passes, including a 57-yarder to David Moore and a short TD throw to running back Travis Homer — and does it in exactly 21 seconds.

You’ve just had the full Seahawk treatment, guys.

WE CAN’T know just yet how long the Seahawks will keep doing this thing where they successfully stop a final play (New England and Dallas), or defend an onside kick (Atlanta and Miami) as they wrap up a win, but…

Pete Carroll says he loves this sort of high-wire act.

No offense, Coach, but there might be some Hawks fans with weak hearts or high blood pressure who disagree with this “thrilling-finish” method.

Can’t you just blow somebody out?

The fan base is pretty excited with this new strategy, you know, the “Let Russ Cook” thing — but is there some reason he can’t be allowed to KEEP cooking?

Yeah, yeah.

The running game. Gotta establish the run once you have a lead.

But why not just go ahead and get a big, fat, huge lead?

We’re kind of thinking you should get enough separation that you don’t have to stop Cam Newton on the 1-yard line to close out a win.

AH, SHOOT, maybe that’ll come when the defense gets healthier.

Meanwhile…

Poor Miami.

You young guys probably thought — after a week of watching Seahawks tape — that if you could slow down Russ, you’d have a hell of a chance to win.

And you even pressured Wilson to throw a pick in the end zone.

No use.

That heave to Moore in the corner of the end zone to make it 27-15 was the usual Russ reply, and then…

Shaquill Griffin picks off Fitzpatrick on the next possession to finish things.

Sigh…

Did you notice a creeping feeling of dread your replacing optimism, Dolphins?

Don’t kick yourselves.

Better teams have felt the same.

Email: scameron@cdapress.com

Steve Cameron’s “Cheap Seats” columns appear in The Press on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. “Moments, Memories and Madness,” his reminiscences from several decades as a sports journalist, runs each Sunday.

Steve also writes Zags Tracker, a commentary on Gonzaga basketball, once per month during the offseason.