THE CHEAP SEATS with STEVE CAMERON: Thanks to Tyler, the Cup could be coming to a place near you

It’s notes and quotes day, but first…

I’ve got to tell you about a dream too bizarre to believe.

I’m taking a new medicine, some awful thing called Gleevec that makes your intestines feel like there’s a madman going nuts with a Roto-Rooter.

This stuff also causes dreams that are more like hallucinations.

My latest adventure was being sound asleep, yet totally convinced that Bill Belichick — who hasn’t said a civil word toward a journalist in years — came by the house to ask if I’d spend a season with him to write a journal.

Not only that, Bill was wearing that moth-eaten, pizza-on-the-front sweatshirt that he broke out for this week’s Zoom call with reporters.

Eeee-GADS!

It was a blessing to wake up and return to sanity.

Now then…

ITEM: Congratulations to Spokane native Tyler Johnson, who had the thrill of capturing the Stanley Cup with his Tampa Bay teammates.

Johnson, who skates during the offseason at Frontier Ice Arena in Coeur d’Alene, was in the middle of that mob scene in Edmonton after the Lightning beat the Dallas Stars 2-0 to finish off the NHL Finals in six games.

Just a year after getting swept out of the first round by No. 8 seed Columbus, the Lightning turned their superiority into the ultimate prize.

Tampa Bay, which won the franchise’s only other Cup in 2004, now gets to enjoy one of the most unique celebrations in sport.

Not only does every Lightning player have his name engraved on the Cup, each one gets to take it to his hometown — under the supervision of a league custodian.

Over the years, the Stanley Cup has been to Russia and to the bottom of a swimming pool.

It’ll be a meaningful moment in hockey history when that famous Cup comes soon to our part of the world.

ITEM: It didn’t take long for the cheating Astros to start yapping after they won a best-of-three, first-round series in this year’s expanded MLB playoffs.

Houston, which didn’t even play .500 baseball during the 60-game regular season, dispatched the luckless Twins (extending Minnesota’s postseason losing streak to an unbelievable 18 games).

"I know a lot of people are mad,” said Astros shortstop Carlos Correa. “I know a lot of people don’t want to see us here.

“But what are they going to say now?"

Tory Barron, who puts together the ESPN Daily, had a quick response.

“To answer Correa's question,” she said, “I have a feeling they are going to say that the Astros should have been banned from the postseason.

“I don't know, just a hunch.”

Thank you, Tory.

ITEM: Amid that barrage of injuries to go along with a couple of wins in their first three games, the 49ers also have witnessed one of the strangest “slumps” in football.

Last Sunday in their 36-9 thrashing of the Giants, the Niners began having problems with their long snaps from center on extra points and field goal attempts.

Somehow…

Kyle Nelson, who has played more games with the 49ers than any player on the roster and has been super-reliable at his task, somehow could not seem to snap the ball.

Nelson’s snaps, after nine years of consistency, suddenly were high, low, wide, everywhere.

Finally, they were embarrassingly short.

According to a report in the San Francisco Chronicle…

“Nelson had several wayward snaps Sunday and (Coach Kyle) Shanahan said he’d developed the ‘yips,’ suggesting his issues weren’t injury related.”

The “yips,” if you’ve never been afflicted, basically refer to golfers who suddenly cannot make even the shortest putts.

Golfers are all alone in silence with just their own minds, though,

Nelson probably just needs a good whack upside the head.

I mean, don’t we all?

ITEM: The English Premier League is unquestionably the best soccer competition in the world.

What might be sneaking up on people, however, is that England also is rapidly rising to the top of the women’s professional club game.

Just a few years ago, very little money was invested in the Women’s Super League (WSL) in Britain, and “crowds” basically consisted of family and friends.

Not anymore.

The same clubs that have poured cash into the men’s game now want bragging rights with their women’s teams.

Chelsea lured Australian striker Samantha Kerr with a handsome contract, and Arsenal — which already had Dutch international standouts Vivienne Miedema and Danielle van de Donk on its roster — added the 2019 Aussie player of the year, fullback Steph Catley.

The eye-popping news, though, is that several clubs have begun signing stars from the World Cup champion U.S. national team.

Here’s what went down in amazingly rapid fashion…

Rose Lavelle — the attacking midfielder counted on to lead the next generation of American stars — joined Manchester City.

Then so did Lavelle’s midfield partner, Sam Mewis.

Tobin Heath and Christen Press signed for Manchester United, which has not had a competitive women’s team until very recently.

And then came the crowning shot, as Tottenham Hotspur gave its building-from-scratch WSL club a monstrous jolt of talent and publicity by landing U.S. superstar Alex Morgan.

We knew the women’s game was changing.

It’s news, though, to learn that it also seems to be changing location.

Still…

Spurs?

What were you thinking, Alex?

Email: scameron@cdapress.com

Steve Cameron’s “Cheap Seats” columns appear in The Press on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. “Moments, Memories and Madness,” his reminiscences from several decades as a sports journalist, runs each Sunday.

Steve also writes Zags Tracker, a commentary on Gonzaga basketball, once per month during the offseason.