C1 My Turn: Finding ways to come together

I listened to Dave Chappelle’s monologue on Saturday Night Live, a dialogue sometimes funny but also profound at the end. Dave Chappelle said that he doesn’t hate anybody. Just a statement, right? No, it was far more than that.

The divide in this country is huge as to the Trump supporters and the Biden supporters. Well-meaning people are contemplating the divide and trying to come up with a way to bridge that gap.

So, I thought about hate and anger which are both versions of fear. And I think there is a biological root to fear. This hate is rooted in our caveman past.

If you are a tribe of blond-haired people and a group of red-haired people comes over the hill — the appearance of the “other” group could mean trouble. It could mean losing territory, or food, or shelter, or some of your clan. That I think is the root of hating “others” in our society with whom we have had little or no contact. But with our grownup brains, we can overcome that fear of “other” if we try. And we must try.

I was lucky. I grew up in the Spokane area so I knew people of other races who were often part of groups of which I was a member. Given that privilege, and it is a privilege, I did not fear people of other races. I was able to extend my knowledge of people from other countries while in college.

Many people grew up in an all-white town or county, or even state. For generations, the only people their families knew were other white people. And so, when people of other races moved into those towns, something which is happening in the Midwest right now, there was and is the fear of “others.”

Also, in my college years, one of my best friends was a gay boy. He was out of the closet decades earlier than most gays as being “out of the closet” in the '70s and '80s wasn’t the norm. He was one of the most wonderful friends I have ever had. He was affectionate, funny, artistic, kind and loyal. From that privilege of knowing a gay person so well, I had no fear or hate of gay people.

I think many people have never known a gay person. I don’t know why they fear and hate gay people so much but it could be that they think the gay person will somehow influence their kids or young people to be gay as well. For anyone who is gay or knows a gay person, that is a ridiculous thought. Gay people do not recruit others to be gay. Straight people do not either. And if it is part of someone’s religious belief, it should not manifest itself in harm or derision against gay people. One can hold beliefs silently and kindly.

Denying gays and people of color rights that are enjoyed by whites is part of that fear. There are loving gay families and loving straight families and loving families of people of color. There are horribly cruel families made up of white people. Color or sexual orientation do not dictate fitness or unfitness to form a family unit.

I believe part of the reason we have this rural vs. city divide is that people in cities encounter people of other races, religions, sexual orientation on a daily basis. They realize, as most of us do when we work with people who are different, is that people are people. They realize that even though that person is of a religion that is foreign to them, that person is a wonderful coworker, friend, companion.

How do we get together? How has this country come together after times of great dissension? The 1930s comes to mind. What brought us together, finally, was the war. Everyone sacrificed. U.S. citizens came together to join the military, to work in munitions factories, and like some of my family, people grew crops to feed soldiers. Everyone was given a ration book that gave them the right to buy only so much gasoline or food so that the soldiers were kept supplied. Most people, while grumbling a bit, still supported the war effort.

Let’s hope we don’t have to have a war to come together. I wonder about scheduling meetings between the two sides of the spectrum in all the towns in the U.S. Let’s start with things on which we agree. I am a big D Democrat and I love, just love my country. I know people who voted for Trump also love their country.

We all love our children. Most of us support our military. Many people on both sides would support stopping the endless wars. We want our children to receive a good education. We want clean air and clean water. We want our country to thrive economically. These concepts are common ground on which we can meet.

Where we don’t agree are areas surrounding “others.” I personally think people from other cultures have added immeasurably to the richness of the culture of this country. But people who have never encountered a person of color, a person from a foreign land, or a person of another sexual orientation may perceive the “other” in these individuals, therefore creating fear in their hearts or, if encouraged by others who hate, then to hate these people who are different.

It is OK to disagree. I was born a Lutheran. I have had Mormon, Presbyterian, Catholic, atheist, agnostic, and other friends of other persuasions. I don’t insist that they be coffee drinking, boring Germanic people out of Minnesota via Prairie Home Companion.

We should rejoice in our differences. The U.S. has the richest culture because of the many cultures that have come together in this great country. Where would we be without the wonderful food from Mexico our Mexican friends have brought to this area? I can remember when we had to drive to Oregon to get tortillas. We can go out for Pho, curry, pasta, German sausage, tacos, Gyros, and Thai food right here in our own neighborhoods. We can attend someone else’s church and join them for a meal if we want to.

I think the answer is for those of us on opposite sides of the political spectrum to get together in small groups. What I used to do with my students is that I would have everyone around the room introduce himself or herself and say something about their interests. Often the shy kid who loved mazes would find out there was another classmate who loved mazes also and they would sit together and become friends.

Maybe we should start with one thing. Republicans love their country. I would find something in common with you. I, the big D Democrat, love my country. You had people in your family who fought in wars. Many of my family members fought in wars starting with the Revolutionary War and ending with Vietnam. I love my town. I love my state. I love the beauty of this area and want to preserve it. I believe that many people of the opposite end of the political spectrum feel the same.

Can we not get together and listen to each other? Is that so hard? Find out what the people on the other side fear. We, on our side, have fears also. Can we discuss these? Can we put anyone’s mind at ease? It would be worthwhile to try.

The high-flown political rhetoric tossed around by both sides can be truly frightening. Can we start on a local level to just meet and talk once in a while? Maybe we could start a national movement that could save this country and result in both sides working together to solve the problems we all recognize. Maybe we can get this country going in one direction just like most people did in the 1940s which resulted in a great victory for freedom and democracy.

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Donna Harvey is a Hayden resident.