THE CHEAP SEATS with STEVE CAMERON: Watching big-leaguers bunt could require a laugh track
Let’s say the major league baseball season opens on time…
I know, I know.
“On time,” in this case, would be roughly 3 1/2 months late.
And even that is a long way from being a done deal.
The coronavirus seems to be gaining steam across the United States.
Quite a few players have opted to sit this one out, for the sake of their own health, and that of their families.
The U.S. is now the COVID-19 epicenter of the entire planet.
Don’t believe me?
OK, Great Britain has relaxed its quarantine regulations for 18 countries, including Thailand and Rwanda.
But the United States?
Nope.
Sorry, it’s a 14-day wait, and if you can afford two weeks in a London hotel, you might be able to buy your own island nation — and go visit it.
Or how about this?
U.S. citizens are not welcome in Bulgaria.
BULGARIA!!
This is despite the fact that the Bulgarian tourist bureau is paying the air fare for many visitors, and picking up part of their hotel tabs.
AMERICANS?
Sorry.
Stay home and wait to get sick.
You botched your response to this virus, so now you can stare at your TVs and hope there’s a baseball game on the schedule — and that it isn’t just from Korea, Taiwan or Japan.
But forget all those smirking Bulgarians, folks, because here’s our discussion for today…
First of all, we aren’t going to whine about where we’re barred from visiting (since it’s most of the world).
Instead, we’re going to hope that MLB can tee it up a couple of weeks from now, and we’re now officially prepping for some rule changes to our national pastime.
No, not just this ridiculous 60-game drag race, capped by playoffs that almost certainly will include a team or two that could NEVER survive a 162-game marathon.
Not only that absurd new look.
We’re talking about the universal designated hitter, now being used in both leagues — perhaps permanently.
We also have to adjust to this new rule that requires pitchers to face a minimum of three hitters — or somehow conclude an inning.
The idea there, obviously, is to prevent managers from hauling in righties and lefties to face one batter, then head for the shower as fans (TV only, for now) simultaneously head off to the fridge for another beer.
The most critical rule change, though, has been stolen from fastpitch softball, where teams score a run roughly once a week.
Fastpitch tournament games obviously can’t go on for days at a time, so a rule was implemented several years ago.
After a certain number of extra innings (I remember an event where it was 12 innings), the idea was to get the game done and dusted — so at a certain point, innings began with a runner on second base and no outs.
WELL, THAT scenario is coming to MLB.
Starting with the 10th, each half-inning will begin with that runner on second (it will be the last batter from the previous inning).
There’s just one problem with adapting this rule to baseball in 2020.
In fastpitch softball, EVERYONE can bunt — so the notion of moving that crucial runner over to third is very doable.
Unfortunately…
In baseball these days, every hitter works tirelessly on perfecting a higher launch angle in order to blast more home runs — and thus almost NO ONE can bunt.
The Mariners, for instance, could never play Dee Gordon in a regular lineup, because if the game somehow goes to extra innings, he’d have to pinch-hit and bunt that runner to third.
Any other candidates?
Mallex Smith, maybe?
IT’S FUN to hang around the batting cage before games.
Each hitter is supposed to start his rotation with a bunt — and about 90 percent of them (facing pitchers who are basically lobbing strikes) pop the thing straight up.
It’s sounds crazy, but since MLB teams have totally forgotten how to play for one run, most managers will probably let their beefcake sluggers just flail away with that runner on second and no outs.
Go for that two-run homer.
Good relievers will escape this situation more often than we suspect.
Unless…
Teams want to keep a “designated bunter” on the roster just for extra-inning situations.
Even then, the next hitter would need to make some kind of decent contact to get the run home.
It’s going to be a hoot watching hitters try to do something they never, ever, ever practice these days.
Youth league coaches will be laughing out loud.
Email: scameron@cdapress.com
Steve Cameron’s “Cheap Seats” columns appear in The Press on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. “Moments, Memories and Madness,” his reminiscences from several decades as a sports journalist, runs each Sunday.
Steve also writes Zags Tracker, a commentary on Gonzaga basketball, once per month during the offseason.