THE CHEAP SEATS with STEVE CAMERON: Sure, we’ll have a college football season ... but probably not until 2021

“When you wish upon a star,

“Makes no difference who you are…”

Do you remember that sound of soul-pure optimism?

It was the theme song from Disney’s iconic animated feature “Pinocchio.”

Well, there’s a flip side to the notion suggested in that second line.

It doesn’t seem to make any difference who is wishing for a college football season this fall.

As the calendar has flipped to July, in fact, every single signpost seems to read: “No!”

At this point, it would take a miracle.

Actually, wait…

We’d need an effective vaccine AND a miracle to see college football any time this year.

Universities that desperately need the income for struggling athletic departments — Washington State is underwater to the tune of more than $100 million — may wish upon all the stars they can find.

The truth is, they’ll just be staring into the void.

UNLESS thousands of students, teachers, staff and members of the general public basically volunteer to contract COVID-19 just for the hell of it, the whole notion of watching large kids banging into each other on football fields this fall seems pretty much impossible.

We’ve already watched as dozens of players have turned up with positive coronavirus tests at places like Clemson, Texas and Kansas State — all Power Five conference programs — and regular postseason bowl game participants.

Let’s go the sensible route and assume that similar test results are occurring at plenty of other schools where “informal workouts” have been taking place.

Of course, there will be programs that prefer we don’t know how many athletes are infected.

Oregon, for one, has adopted a strict no-information policy regarding coronavirus testing.

Not even general ballpark numbers.

If you’re thinking that Oregon — or Wazzu, for that matter — owe us some COVID-19 numbers since they’re public universities funded by our tax dollars…

It’s likely that, in fact, they don’t.

Schools are supposed to keep students’ medical records private as part of their HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act) legal restrictions.

So they will, at least until a team on the schedule says: “Hey, what are we walking into, gang?”

Presumably, schools like Clemson that have released coronavirus numbers (but not names) feel they’re not undermining the law.

Either way, we KNOW that putting somewhere close to a hundred football players together — and remember, they haven’t even scrimmaged and sweat on each other yet — appears almost a cinch to yield a COVID-19 outbreak.

Does that sound like the formula for a terrific college season?

Really?

EVEN IF schools managed to hide football players in some kind of bubble — maybe keeping all their classes online — the universities and cities surrounding them will be subject to huge virus outbreaks.

Shoot, it’s happening already.

For instance, there’s this from the Seattle Times…

“The University of Washington’s Greek Row has been hit hard by an outbreak of COVID-19, with at least 12 fraternities involved and hundreds of test results pending.”

At least 80 students have tested positive so far, according to the Times report.

But OK, let’s say most schools hoping to field revenue-producing football teams this fall get things under control on campus.

“That won’t be the real area to worry about,” suggested Spencer Hall, a well-known freelance writer who has covered college football for almost two decades.

“All of these schools have mini-villages right near their facilities, and if fans can’t get in to watch in person, they’ll all mob these places. I can’t see many of them wearing masks, either.

“How can they scream with masks on?”

HALL AIMED specifically at Tigerville, a huge cluster of bars and restaurant/saloons, that basically adjoins 102,000-seat Tiger Stadium at LSU (another place where football players already are testing positive).

“Tigerville might as well be called Covidville if they play a season in the fall,” Hall said on an ESPN podcast.

Universities haven’t even begun fall semesters, and yet besides the positive tests in so many football programs, you have potentially catastrophic events like the “Covid party” in Tuscaloosa, Ala. — right near campus — where young people put in money, with the first person to contract the coronavirus “winning” the pot.

Or the “pong parties” near the Texas campus in Austin, which has seen hundreds infected — kids who likely will pass the virus on to others.

Add up everything we’ve seen so far, on the practice field or near it, and remember that things almost certainly will get worse when universities open next month.

College football this year?

Nope.

See you in 2021, maybe.

Email: scameron@cdapress.com

Steve Cameron’s “Cheap Seats” columns appear in The Press on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. “Moments, Memories and Madness,” his reminiscences from several decades as a sports journalist, runs each Sunday.

Steve also writes Zags Tracker, a commentary on Gonzaga basketball, once per month during the offseason.