The T-Dub Movie Awards of 2019
Only one award ceremony matters - The T-Dub Awards. Exclusive to the Coeur d’Alene Press, the T-Dub Awards celebrate the best of the best in movies, with categories that make you say, “Hmm, I don’t think he put too much thought into this column.”
My Best Movies of 2019 feature will be coming soon and will include multiple full sentences and paragraphs. But today you get a listicle!
Scene of the year: Robert DeNiro makes a phone call, “The Irishman.”
Best performance: Lupita Nyong’o, “Us.” Runners-up: Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson in “Marriage Story.”
Best movie you hadn’t heard of (at least until Obama mentioned it): “Transit.”
Best first impression: The feature debut for Joe Talbot, “The Last Black Man in San Francisco.”
Underrated Performance: Taron Egerton, “Rocketman.” He’s actually singing, unlike a recent Oscar winner. Runner-up: Octavia Spencer in “Luce.”
Best ensemble cast: “Parasite.”
Best breakout performance: Taylor Russell in “Waves.”
Best return to form: Eddie Murphy in “Dolemite is My Name.”
Best scenery chewing: Willem Dafoe in “The Lighthouse.”
Most likely to cause a panic attack: Basically the entire runtime of “Uncut Gems.”
Fastest three-hour-plus runtime: “The Irishman.”
Biggest jump scare: The “ghost” reveal in “Parasite.” It isn’t even a horror movie!
Best homage to “Back to the Future Part II”: “Happy Death Day 2U.”
The “It really goes there” Award: The climax to “Midsommar.”
All the tears: The diner scene in “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.”
Best fight: Knife battle in “John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum.” Runner-up: Pick any other fight in “John Wick 3.”
Best Babu Frik: Babu Frik in “Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker.”
Favorite movie other people think is just fine: “Toy Story 4.” It’s a better ending for Woody, okay?
The “High tension” Award: The Spahn Ranch sequence in “Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood.”
Surprising romantic spark: Charlize Theron and Seth Rogen in “Long Shot.”
Most terrifying movie moment: Seeing the “Cats” trailer for the first time.
Best hero moment: Captain America saying, “Avengers. Assemble.”
Best needle drop: “Five. Years. Later.” in “Avengers: Endgame.”
Most powerful climax: “The Farewell.”
Runner-up: “Portrait of a Lady on Fire.”
Most unsatisfying climax: “Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker.”
Too much climax: The entirety of the movie, “Climax.”
Best Foghorn Leghorn impression: Daniel Craig in “Knives Out.”
Breakout character in need of a spin-off: Forky in “Toy Story 4.” Wait, he already has a spinoff on Disney+!
The “Awesome, but does it count as a movie?” Award: “Homecoming: A Film by Beyonce.” It’s in the title so...
Best twist: “The Perfection.”
Most pointless sequel: “Men in Black: International.”
Funniest Movie: “Booksmart.”
Best blockbuster: “Avengers: Endgame.”
The “At least DC is trying” Award: “Shazam!”
Love the performance, lukewarm on the movie: Margot Robbie, “Bombshell.”
Best performance by a kid: Roman Griffin Davis, “Jojo Rabbit.” Runner-up: Noah Jupe, “Honey Boy.”
Best movie people keep forgetting: Tie: “Us” and “The Farewell.”
The “Perfect casting” Award: Tom Hanks as Mister Rogers in “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.”
The “We’re so happy you’re still alive” Award: Joe Pesci in “The Irishman.”
Best duo: Brie Larson and Samuel L. Jackson, “Captain Marvel.”
Best movie I’ll never want to watch again: “The Nightingale.”
Best inversion of expectations: “Knives Out.”
Bloodiest (but still bloody good): “Midsommar.”
The “So bad you must see it to believe it” Award: “Serenity.”
Best reason to throw out your Teflon pans: “Dark Waters.”
Best use of archive footage: “Apollo 11.”
Best musical moment: “Not Evil” by Queen Watevra Wa’nabi in “The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part.”
The “Shia LaBeouf appreciation” Award: “Honey Boy” and “The Peanut Butter Falcon.”
The “It’s totally fine!” Award: “Spider-Man: Far from Home.”
The “Thanks for putting in the effort, you’re such a better actor when you actually try” Award: Tie: Adam Sandler in “Uncut Gems” and Rober DeNiro in “The Irishman.”
Weirdest science experiments: “High-Life.”
Most shocking moment: The sudden appearance of a vicious primate in “Ad Astra.”
The “No, really, it’s pretty good. Honest!” Award: “Dora and the Lost City of Gold.”
The “Big swing and miss” Award: “Velvet Buzzsaw.”
Just give her an Oscar already: Laura Dern, “Marriage Story.”
Just give him an Oscar already: Brad Pitt, “Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood” and “Ad Astra.”
The “What were they thinking?” Award: The blank-faced CGI animals in “The Lion King” remake.
The “Yep, I saw that in a theater” Award: “Jay and Silent Bob Reboot.”
Yep, that movie came out in 2019: “Glass.”
The “Just stop it already” Award: Tie: “The Lion King” and “Aladdin.”
The “Somehow escaped 2019 as the best Disney remake” Award: “Dumbo.”
Confusing title: “Shaft,” which is a direct sequel to “Shaft,” which was also a sequel to “Shaft.”
The “Wish it played here before New Year’s” Award: “1917.”
Best canine performance: Attack dogs in “John Wick Chapter 3.”
Best cameo: (Redacted) in “Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker.” Runner-up: Keanu Reeves in “Always Be My Maybe.”
Most distracting cameo: Kevin Hart in “Hobbs & Shaw.”
Best car chase: The thrilling race sequences in “Ford v. Ferrari.”
Best Romance: “Portrait of a Lady on Fire.”
Best villain: Red (Lupita Nyong’o) in “Us.”
The movie I don’t like but Press readers will love: “The Two Popes.”
Movie people get mad at me for recommending: “The Lighthouse.”
The “She needs to be a bigger star” award: Florence Pugh for “Midsommar,” “Fighting with My Family,” and “Little Women.”
The “I forgot about it five minutes after walking out of it” Award: “Jumanji: The Next Level.”
The “Armageddon-Deep Impact” Award (also known as the “Dante’s Peak-Volcano” Award or the “Illusionist-Prestige” Award): The dueling documentaries “Fyre” and “Fyre Fraud.”
Enough with the zombies, already: Tie: “The Dead Don’t Die,” “Zombieland: Double-Tap” and “Little Monsters.”
Most pleasant surprise: “Hustlers.”
Better than watching the “Addams Family” remake: The animated film, “I Lost My Body,” about a sentient severed hand. Not for kids.
Not as bad as the reviews suggest: “Dark Phoenix.”
The “I don’t even understand the title” Award: “Detective Pikachu.”
The “Isn’t it mediocre?” Award: “Isn’t it Romantic?”
Best thing about 2019 that’s not in a movie: The Child in “The Mandalorian.”
Biggest hype for nothing: “Godzilla: King of the Monsters.”
Strangest relic of 2019: “Cats.”
Biggest guilty pleasure: “Hobbs & Shaw.” Runner-up: “Batman vs. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.”
And….. My kids’ favorite movie: “Frozen II.”
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Tyler Wilson can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com. He is the co-host of Old Millennials Remember Movies, available everywhere you find podcasts and OldMillennialsRemember.com.