Research: MLP: Take your pun-ishment
Once upon a time, your Mrs. Language Punster didn’t appreciate a silly slip o’the tongue. Groan, she did, rolled her eyes and snittily shook that biddy-old head.
Then she married Mr. Editor Person (please note, Dear Readers, the nepotism worked in reverse; the job came first) — that connoisseur of double-entendre, that self-anointed king of punny fun.
Thus did your MLP — under “pun”alty of divorce — (e)spouse a new mantra: A good pun is its own reword.
While undoubtedly puns are as old as corny husbands (isn’t that redundant), appearing at least as early as the 16th century, the pun’s origin is as dubious as its qualification as humor.
In grammar terms, a pun is a paronomasia. “Pun” may be an alteration of Italian “puntiglio” (ironically, equivocation or trivial objection) or a diminutive of the Latin “punctum” (point).
Speaking of which: Patience, please. The funnies are coming.
Incidental or intentional, a pun is a humorous (isn’t that debatable) word or phrase with multiple meanings, or which sounds like another word.
To “get it,” Dear Reader, simply aim low. Very low.
There’s more than one way to pun a funny. These examples are, of course, purloined. Your MLP would never deign to claim an original.
For homophonic (sounds-like) puns, substitute a word for one which sounds similar. Obviously.
Which dinosaur knows the most words? A thesaurus.
How do you know when a clock is hungry? It goes back four seconds.
For homographic puns, use a word with two different meanings, or substitute it with one of the same spelling.
Never date an apostrophe. They’re too possessive.
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
Compound puns are a string of words which are similar to a string of different words. In other words, pretend the painfully obvious is funny.
A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing shorts made of Saran wrap. The shrink says, ‘I can clearly see you’re nuts.’
Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giants’ fingers.
Finally, as Mr. Editor Person has a soft spot for the animal world, critters are fair game. Oh, deer. This is embarrassing.
What are bears without bees? Ears. What do you mean I’m not a bear? I have all the Koala-fications.
A horse is a very stable animal. If you hear it from the horse’s mouth you’re listening to a neigh-sayer. After eating hay, the horse had a baleful look.
What do you call a camel with no humps? Humphrey.
To stop a charging bull just take away his credit card. When a cow gives birth she is de-calf-inated
After the dog delivered puppies, she was cited for littering. The cat needed a prosthesis but couldn’t live with the faux-pas.
By now these must be bugging you, Reader:
When a grasshopper told him how to eat corn, it went in one ear and out the other. Insects who make honey are always on their best bee-hive-iour (GROAN). When the hive is finished, bees have a house swarming party.
Could they possibly get worse, you moan? Without doubt, Dear Reader. Just spend five minutes at Mr. Editor Person’s dinner table.
Want to communicate with a fish? Drop him a line.
Seriously, if yours are any better than this newspaper’s Daily Groaner, please do.
•••
Mrs. Language Person and Sholeh Patrick are columnists for the Hagadone News Network. Send puns if you must to sholeh@cdapress.com.